Just waiting for proof that there are sunsets & silhouette dreams..

Well, I haven't technically written anything on here for while. So I thought this was a convenient time to do so :p

I am currently watching Julia's I love you Erika video to me on my iPod while typing this:) And just finished bawling my eyes out to True Colors that never fails to make me cry... Hehe! Just remember that those are good tears! Those are the tears that keep me sane. So, thank you so much.

I guess I didn't just stumble upon Julia's video... I went to find it, because I wasn't in my best states. I guess that I'm not making much progress, I'm just losing track of what is making me sad... Which is probably worse than before. But I know I'll be fine.. even though I'm not always right. I am NOT depressed. I'm just a teenage dirtbag... But all song jokes aside, I seriously don't know what's going on and that's probably why it's scary. I just don't know... Routine. Routine kills me. My heart's just not as into every day life anymore.. I think I'm subconsciously waiting for something extraordinary to happen, but it doesn't, so this breaks me... I'd like to have a chance at something that seems unlikely, something that I once thought was impossible. It would be just amazing.

It seems as though my ability to handle things has dropped sufficiently. I just simply cry & let things faze me a lot more than I did before. I just keep hoping for a bigger purpose, but it's not there. People talk to me nowadays and I can't always concentrate. It's like they fade out and I'm alone in the room. I don't know what to make of it... All I know is that Alex describes these exact things in his blogs and I can't help, but be so intrigued by this. I can't draw away from the fact that were so similar in that way... My love for him is something so big, it's scary. Love is a scary thing though. It's actually sickening how much you can love a person.

I'm scared that one day you'll realize that I'm not as amazing as you once thought I was. This quote really gets to me... I don't know. People lately have been telling me how amazing I am and I just sit here thinking that they think way too highly of me. Like, I can't live up to their expectation of who I am, like I could disappoint someone I really care about. I just want to scream that I'm not a saint, that I have faults too.

Feel free to contradict anything in this text! I'm just being brutally honest about how I feel right now. I can't quite get all the words out at this moment. But I'm working on it!

Also, just to let you know, I have started writing my book. The outline is basically the outlook on a misfit of a girl who falls for a stoner. Sounds familiar? Nope, because the stoner eventually falls for her too ;) As cheesy as this sounds... I'm actually proud of the little prologue I have so far.... Bear with me! I'll hopefully be posting it on my special writing page soon, so keep a look out for that!

Song on repeat right now:

You Be the Anchor That Keeps My Feet On The Ground, I'll Be The Wings That Keep Your Heart In The Clouds by Mayday Parade (& yes, that is the title.)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d8xDOP-MAJA

One of the most beautiful songs ever...

I love you :) I'm alright, don't worry about me please! Goodnight <3

-Eka

my march break

friday: sleepover with blanche, she started by playing with her sister wii and i made KD and served them and i was just like umm ok, im left out, so went upstairs and did my hair and makeup. then she came and shortly after we left her place. we walked a long way, to get to a dep then went to a skatting rink and then finally to her gabs place. gab had already 2 friends over, we all chilled, did each others hair then listened tot his: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IUDTlvagjJA u must listen! omg:P then we went outwside and me and blanche lisfted gabs friend, cuz she does cheerleading so we had her feet at our heads, it was epic, and took 4 tries to get ité;D then saw the church so went to the window and stood there like cereepy people and then the kdis inside r saying fuck u balbla . then the moniteur comes and finalyl invites in, we play a ball game then other leave, we do the lift then leave. me and blanche bused back to her place, then didnt do much, she feel asleep:/ next morning she wakes me up at 8:30-.- we get up, and didnt do much cuz she cudlnt walk.

saturday i got home and dont do much

sunday i go to movies with sean

monday i go skiing with damily at mont gabriel, dad fell and i almost did cuz i ddint c him then he was in my way:P i freaked and wish i knew about concosions:/ then we had lunch and finally made him go c nurse after

tuesday skiing with mom and sean at chateaucler, And i fell going off jump, first time i did it and its more steep the hill after jump then im used to and second time fell, broke poll handel and after thumb was hurting, cudnt use it-.- - went to the DDO interview thing, we went in pool and got tested. only reasdon i didnt make it is cuz i wont have my certificate of bronze-cross by the ttime it starts:/

wednesday, got up early to go to Super Aqua Club interview,we were 5 in the room, interview was 10 min, and im still waitting for asnwer:S then went home, then went to ekas and sleept over there:D we made cookie bowl:D went shopping, i had fuuun but the whole day i was in pain cuz i didnt sleep well.-.- so feel asleep early

thrusday dad comes at 10 ish while ekas still in bed:P then i get home after passing by martas work and then julia finally comes voer but not for long:( then had lifeguard cpr test

friday mike was suppiosed to come voer but obvs didnt, he was too tired;) so i did nothign

saturday went tot the movies with nathan, babysat from 10 to 2:P made lots of money, too much:S

ssunday slept in till 2, latest of the break:P and went to pharmacie and didnt do anything, freakoed out about science and read and now im here:)

-Nessa

KONY 2012 Watch this please!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=Y4MnpzG5Sqc

I know it's 30 minutes long, but it's worth it! It gives me hope for the world :)

-Eka