I am currently watching Julia's I love you Erika video to me on my iPod while typing this:) And just finished bawling my eyes out to True Colors that never fails to make me cry... Hehe! Just remember that those are good tears! Those are the tears that keep me sane. So, thank you so much.
I guess I didn't just stumble upon Julia's video... I went to find it, because I wasn't in my best states. I guess that I'm not making much progress, I'm just losing track of what is making me sad... Which is probably worse than before. But I know I'll be fine.. even though I'm not always right. I am NOT depressed. I'm just a teenage dirtbag... But all song jokes aside, I seriously don't know what's going on and that's probably why it's scary. I just don't know... Routine. Routine kills me. My heart's just not as into every day life anymore.. I think I'm subconsciously waiting for something extraordinary to happen, but it doesn't, so this breaks me... I'd like to have a chance at something that seems unlikely, something that I once thought was impossible. It would be just amazing.
It seems as though my ability to handle things has dropped sufficiently. I just simply cry & let things faze me a lot more than I did before. I just keep hoping for a bigger purpose, but it's not there. People talk to me nowadays and I can't always concentrate. It's like they fade out and I'm alone in the room. I don't know what to make of it... All I know is that Alex describes these exact things in his blogs and I can't help, but be so intrigued by this. I can't draw away from the fact that were so similar in that way... My love for him is something so big, it's scary. Love is a scary thing though. It's actually sickening how much you can love a person.
I'm scared that one day you'll realize that I'm not as amazing as you once thought I was. This quote really gets to me... I don't know. People lately have been telling me how amazing I am and I just sit here thinking that they think way too highly of me. Like, I can't live up to their expectation of who I am, like I could disappoint someone I really care about. I just want to scream that I'm not a saint, that I have faults too.
Feel free to contradict anything in this text! I'm just being brutally honest about how I feel right now. I can't quite get all the words out at this moment. But I'm working on it!
Also, just to let you know, I have started writing my book. The outline is basically the outlook on a misfit of a girl who falls for a stoner. Sounds familiar? Nope, because the stoner eventually falls for her too ;) As cheesy as this sounds... I'm actually proud of the little prologue I have so far.... Bear with me! I'll hopefully be posting it on my special writing page soon, so keep a look out for that!
Song on repeat right now:
You Be the Anchor That Keeps My Feet On The Ground, I'll Be The Wings That Keep Your Heart In The Clouds by Mayday Parade (& yes, that is the title.)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d8xDOP-MAJA
One of the most beautiful songs ever...
I love you :) I'm alright, don't worry about me please! Goodnight <3
-Eka
I am happy that my video is serving its purpose...
ReplyDeleteIm pretty lost...and scared and i really know what you mean by '' I think I'm subconsciously waiting for something extraordinary to happen, but it doesn't, so this breaks me... I'd like to have a chance at something that seems unlikely, something that I once thought was impossible. It would be just amazing.'' I want an opportunity to present it self...Example: I dream of Antoine coming up to me and being like ''you know what julia! i like you! go out with me already! '' I died thursday cause it all just came back to me cause antoine was teasing me when i was going for the buses(I'll explain tomorrow) also! I am so scared of what i want to do with my life. because after cegep I would move away to L.A. get myself an agent and and job as something like a waitress or lifegueard and audition audition audition cause thats my best chance! I keep on wishing that i will get so lucky and that I'll get discovered here. but it wont happen.
I want something amazing to happen cause I just feel like I'm turning in circles!
There is nothing in the text that i can contradict but i can just elaborate and write about my feelings. You can't understand what I'm going through and i cant understand what you are going through cause we are not in each others heads. I can definitely imagine and put myself in your shoes though...I can show empathy. I've got your back and when the darkness inside you makes you feel small you call me up because you know ill be there cause i see your true colors shining through.haha
I'm very excited for this book! hihi
How can you contradict someone who is being honest stating the truth? you cant! All i would like to clarify is that I know you have fuls and I can name some of your faults too if you like but I find you amazing malgré all of your faults. you are no mother teresa but you have so many qualities that make you that amazing. And i'll take you malgré your faults cause its part of you. And like you I'm always afraid that I'll disapoint people but it isnt something we can escape just how we ant escape the fact that ur friends will always worry about us.
-Sekoya
ReplyDelete