New Year's Eve

So i just came back from watching : New years eve with Sean, and i loved it! You guys prob wont :P but to me i wish i could watch it again right now.

You see, new years eve for me, how i remember the past ones is like this: Every year i went to go see my dad working, join the party for the countdown, expect for 2 years, last year when we stayed home for the first time and had Mario and Susan over and 3 years ago, i think, were we went to go see parents friends: Steve & Josie. How i remember it, is every year iv gone to a party. Last year it killed me staying home and not doing anything. I still dressed up as if i was going out, i had fun playing just dance 2 with Sean and doing karaoke with everyone, but that was like Christmas fun, just not New years fun, and then the countdown, omg that hurt.. we didnt even count down while watching TV, just all there... no loud huge countdown, screaming down the numbers, no ballons dropping, no screaming HAPPY NEW YEARS by many people, no confetti, no loud music, no lights everywhere, no magic. Its not like we had a fun house party with family friends, like the night would have been acceptable if we did a good countdown and more excitement...

now this year, i come home to Mario & Susan already here, watching a movie, no one dressed up, everyone all relaxed, and were going to eat soon, then we'll see what happens...

Obviously not this year, not the next, but the one after that i'm going to spend a while getting ready, look all nice, go out, have a huge countdown, loud, fun, good time. To me, its not about having a time to get high, really drunk, no. Its about going out with a friend and partying, because your celebrating a year that has ended and now a new one to come, new New year resolutions to set and to soon come true. Iv never been to a party with all family and people i know, every year i knew my parents and brother, that was it, im used to partying around strangers and thats how i like it. Not everyone gets my love for new years:P i cant wait for that 18th new years! So now im going to go back downstairs and not do anything, im staying home while others get to go out, dress up, and party. this year im not going to act like a lil kid and dress up when im not going out, like last year... i simply look nice, like i was going out to family friends house for dinner... i hate how im stuck at home, but only thing that makes me feel better and not go punch a hole threw the wall is the fact that i have 2 years (including this one) and then ill go get to have some fun!

one year i will go to New York city for new years eve!

one year i will get kissed, when the countdown reaches 1, by someone i really like, someday love

one year ill get to get all dressed up and go out to have a blast

this year to come will be better then the last, a lot has happened in the last year:P and a lot more to come and i cant wait to see what amazing things will happen!

Last post written this year ;)

-Nessa

almost a fire

So last night eka came over for a sleepover, and i had a lot of fun! i love spending hours talking (till 7 am), saying new things, trying new things (beerXD) i enjoyed it<3 then we broguht charlie out in the freezing cold! after i use this thing my mom got me for xmas, its called heat in a click, its a lil thing that gets really hot for a lil bit. so after using it you have to put it in boilling water to get it back to normal, so when she left i think thats when i wrapped it in a clothe then put it in the pan. i dotn remember what happened after, but i was first putting away sleepover stuff, then doing cartwheels, then dad and i started moving the tv, putting another one there and rearraging all the wires and vaccumed, at one point we were like it stinks, but said oh its the vaccum. at one point my dad noticed it was a lil foggy downstairs, and he asks in a hurry if i had anything on the stove, i answered i donno, maybe. i was so confused. we run upstairs, full of smoke! i go and open the doors, all the windows, and he took it off the stove, the pot was all black gue, he put it under cold water and it was making noises for a bit... i was surprised my dad didnt scream or anything like that at me, like if it was sean i bet he would ahve. he did say: i tell sean all the time not to leave the store unattended...he put his sweater on and after a while we close all the stuff up, go back to working downstairs, a lil smoky there, andn then i see on the phone it says 5:00, i go look at my hpoen to check time and yes its 5, i tellmy dad right away im supposed to be at martas, so we run, i get mystuff adn we head over there. i had to go babysit melissa.once there she was good at first, we ate blabla, then at 7 i try to start getting her ready for bed, so she got pjs on and brushed her teeth but after that oh boy.. she oculdnt fall asleep so we went adn watched cat in the hat, after she goes tot he bathroom, isnt listening to me, starts hitting me, giving me a pretty hard time, at 10 i bring her up for the 3 time and then she fell asleep! i was sooooo happy! then i get home and it still smells here fo the burned pan. now im in bed, at 1:30 am, and cant really sleep.... i dont feel like sleeping... now i have no internet, in the dark, i think imma listen to music...:) i feel like not sleeping like last nightm although i did get some sleep but i cud have stayed up... ummmlalalala i wanna go for a walk, but i wish i cud and it wudnt b cold out, a summer walk to the park... now its 3, still up.... umm now 4, just told j aobut the whole alice story:P and i shud b about to pass out, yet im not... whats wrong with me?

-nessa

Addiction

I realize that I get in a really bad mood when it's been too long that I haven't talked to John... I find it so sad. It's like a drug addiction... pfft. Anyways, all in all, this is not working out too well. I know what I eventually have to do, but I don't want to. Every single fiber in my body rejects the thought of doing it, but I know I have to some day... I just wish I was more brave.

-Eka

Pendula

So I've decided to name the stuffed snow leopard Pendula. I got it from WWF cause Sara and Jason adopted one in my name for my birthday. It's the name of a tree in Asia. I wanted a name of a tree but it had to be from Asia cause that's where snow leopards are from. I like it. I find it suits my snow leopard.

Now i have an obsession with the name Pendula and Sekoya

-Sekoya

P.S. Merry Christmas!

I love you guys! Have fun today!

Jeremy situation

alright so i tryed to hang out with him on thursday but he was busy, then on friday i tryed again but it was too late when i woke up, so then i called him, first time he didnt answer-.- thenhe called me back, and it started off small talk, he was out shopping with sister and mom and it was loud where he was but i went and said what i had to... i said iv been thinking and things arent working out between us, then i wasnt sure if he was listening to i didnt say anything else, adn then he said k continue... i dont remember muh what i said anymore... but i had said you havent changed since i met you, and well his reaction toe verything was very calm, oh yeah, at one point i said that i find we skipped the whole being freinds part and thats what caused this, then he said do you want to take it from there... he said he was impressed that i called him. i had saked him if he ever kissed anyone else whilte we were goign out he said lie cheated? i said like if it was trutg or dare i donno, he siad no

then i get home and i see a text from him, asking how long i felt this way, i said this week i realized and he said he thought it was longer, then asks me what made me realize, i sadi talking with friends, he asks who, and i asnwered eka julia and a lil gaby, then hes like erika? really? he asks what u guys said adn then ask: you say i havent chaned since we met%? i said ur just as closed upvague secretive non talking like b4, he says heh thats funy:P im like im glad i amuse u? he siad im laughing at the irony between waht u knowm reality and what u say.. (...) he sayd: thing is vi told u lots,many secrest iv had but i dont say theres secrets which is whyi assume u wudnt know, but u seem to assume what i tell u iv told the world. i can tellu alot f stuff iv told u maybe 1 or 2 people have know bfor, i say yeah seems like what u tell me u can tell anyoneand like u must think i havent toldu anything but if u cared ud ask more about me which u dont do often he says closed up is who i am, well who iv become,vague is how i speak if u want to know something ask it, tihng is many things i cant say over text/ u say i dont care about u??? (...) hes says its treu when i met u i thought u wud b a person in this world who i cud really b me and tell everything to and i honestly think u r... then he calls me and nothing happened, and then he had to go so convo was pointless... then at night he was a lil drunk, then randomly asks do u think someone who smokes fromtiem to time is a druggie?n and im like depends who often that is, how often do u smoke? he says who said ive smoked? i say noone but i bet u u have, he asks y, and so im guessing idf i were tot ell u i had never smoked u wudnt believe me? then hes stil pushing ont he question being like soemone who dse 3-4 times a month? then asks once a motnh? the says once amonthn as in theres a big party and rthey get high to go to it then asks me if i ahd the chance to wud i try it,... then hes lke legs play 20 questions, so he starts with do u like squirles? -.- it ended there that game, adn then i mention that he has a way with words adn then later syas most ways i maniupulatwords with people is to either help them out or find a solution to their problem on their own or help someoen out (.._ he says i dnt recall trying to manipulte u pthert then once for the good of someone else and i donno if it worked but sure seemed like it didXD then doesnt tell me when0-.- (..) says he forgot ALOT of what he wanted to say when eh called(..) then says (hes a secret not many people find out) ;) cuase people who know me very wellknow that i wouldput the good to someone else beor me and as i have don MANY timesb4 i gotin deep shit for it, having to play with words to get me out of it or get me less worse penalties:/, adds on later : bad stuff, iv almost gotten expelles 3 times for it, have served 2 suspensions for it, got beaten up atleast 3 people atelas twice ..... hit in the back with metal bars..idk if u know but that fkin hurts althoughalot fo things i ahve done got me soem good too, so compensates:)(..) most people who start a real fight with me know not to come single-handed and most dont anymore:P(...) he sayd but anywho ide think u ahve apretty good understanding of whoi am now?hope that wasnt too clsoed up for u? adn then he went to see his lil sister at 3:30 am for somethnig.

y i wanted to break up: because he dsent let me meet his friends, he doesnt talk to me, we dont do anything, hes very secretive, very vague, doesnt seem like hes changed since i met him, doesnt make effort to talk, i cant have real talk with ihm in person....

right now i dont know what i want from him, but we'll try to be friends and see where that goes, if we get tot he point that i can have a actual convo with him, and really talk about stuff, then we'll c what will happen then, but now just me being here and i donno:) i dont wanna lose Jeremy, that thought scares me, donno y just does... but i deserve better then him... hes not crazy like me, hes like always tired, not too much fun, he takes forever to asnwer my texts,i want someone that i can talk to, make me laugh, gets me and he doesnt quite have any of that... and like who knows how he feels about me, he didnt sounds too sad over the phone about what i said...

right now im confused, like aslways-.- but immma start a new year, single, with an open mind!

btw i find it funny how most people r good at talking/ complaining but not listening... at least you guys are:)

( yesterday deanna (fam friend daughter) asked if i had a boyfriend, first thing that came out was yes, then oh no, then i was like its complicated:P wow im clearXD)

ps dad admited to sean that he always speaks loud, so yeah his talking is like screaming:/ just now he called my name like he was pissed but he camein my room jsut to show a funny vid on his phone:P

-nessa

My tumblr

If you want to check it out sometime, the link is here. :)

http://gummybearsandthings.tumblr.com/

-Eka

Erikas Present

Hi Erika!
You'll get the video on a cd next year haha
but for now here are the links

Part 1! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GABpPh_BC4k&feature=plcp&context=C3db27d4UDOEgsToPDskIs24uD115T1hjFHsHHpYqZ

Part 2! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dx3qtIiMhjE&feature=context&context=C3db27d4UDOEgsToPDskIs24uD115T1hjFHsHHpYqZ

Sorry for sometimes being off with the karaokes in terms of timing and in the third song i'm a bit off at the begining but I'm constantly off so it doesn't sound that bad however you'll notice cause you know the song.
I hope you don't get to bored while watching it!
I love you!
-Sekoya

stuff going threw my mind

So today i got math exam back. Ihad worked crazy hard on it, did all the stuff he said to and extra. My stomach was turning the whole class i was so nervous to infd out my result... I ended up gettin 63%, which for me is really good. Last moyenne 47%, so i went up a lot. You see me&my dad had made this deal, that he'll get me beats if i bring up my math moyenne to 65-70%. So when i got back my exam i was disapointed i didnt get 65% cuz of my dad, but still its no my moyenne. I was also a tiny bit happy i didnt fail, but bad feeling over came that even though its i think the only math test iv passed. So then i get home and tell dad thinking he'll b happy that its better but will want higher. Instead, after he finds out my note he gives me this look, and i say what? Its not the moyenne yet, just one note. Then he says yes but i want higher! He goes on about how i should be high 70%! And im like im trying really hard, he says your trying hard but i want really hard! Then goes on about howif i dont get better notes he'll take away my phone and everything that i love, he'll take away the beats and way more… and im like thats not part of the deal, he keps on adding higher notes and more consequences-.- basically he had just gotten mad at me and warned me about much graver consequences and howhe'll take out all distractions. After he went off yelling i went to get my chips and almost started bawling myeyes out but knew i couldnt cuz was leaving soon and i managed not to:)then left when i got back afterhewas like hugging me saying im happy you got a better note, and you passed (b4 he was like you didnt pass, oyu have to pass) then he was like give me a kiss when i neede 5$ for school, dinde-.- the whole night i was pissed and having julia ask me every now and then if i was ok? drove me nuts cuz i wanted to talk but cudnt then. And like yeah 63 is not a good note, but iw ill get more point cuz he gave us second chance and iv gotten a good 10%better, worked my ass off sooooooo much…. For that i get yelled at adn threated more. Now im in my room writting on word cuz internet off and its 12 and im pretending to be sleeping cuz not aloud up but gotta study adn need more light so waitting fro them ot be asleep… im curious how much sleep ill get tognight:PI m not as pissed at dad as i was in the moment but still allthe same..-.- like can he not see that im trying hard? And its like sometimes i slip and get tired but then i pull myself back! And the way hes goign to treat me id if it doesnt payoff then takeabout phone and ipod and beats and treat me like im fucking 8 years old-.- my da is so bipolar, like mom said when they were checking palce for bday that dad had many ideas and was into it! Then at home im like well no not that day cuz eka and hes like oh too bad for her! And omg the whoel thing about julia! Like it seems whenever i wanna hepl a friend out they dont want me to-.- i do too much according tothem. Its like no, thats how friend are, you helpe ach other out, as easy as that.!

Now i feel like writting about jeremy:P aight so whats the deal? Hes closet up, had no trust in me, might b druggie, parties hard, doesnt sleep, doesnt love my crazyness, is boring, doesnt seem to have interrest in my life. Why the fuck do i hang with him? He has a way with words-.- but i cant let that win! All he seems to carea bout is making out, he'lls ay he trust me but hasnt proven it, hes asked me what i want for xmas and im just like nothing he cant seem to be getting that-.- hesby far the vaguest person i know!-.- its like i cant break up till julia meets him so that better b soon:P prob frogday:) hes just alwasy twist around my words, makes me the bag guy… i want a guy i can b myself around, makeme laugh, want to dos tuff, him ahve idea,s onei can trust and respect each other…. Hes noone of that. Whne i walk to him most time im like i can brek up with oyu but latelty for first time im thinking more about it...and today for the first i told him i feel,, waht im erally thinking and ill fihgt against wha ti disagree with… feels good for once:P so weird feeling i have right now..i dont feel like sleeping..i wanna take shower study weel downstiars with light! Andthen iwould wanna do whonoes what but not sleeping… or sleep for a full day, 24 hours just i bed!<3 i want a guy that can b like me, my type...like nowim starting to rethink about the whole snowglobe thing for jeremy:/ lke what will he do with6 wud he care bout it? I need a guy that wud love it…:/ (omg imfreezing right now:s) ok i should go start studying ECR:/ ps wtach me not stay up will 1:/30:P

Pps seems like when i get mad he ends up givin gup or he wins and then sends hearts and saying he trust me-.- yeah thats gonna fix allthe shit?

Ppps sorry this text is so messed up:P ijust wrote whatever wa son my mind

-nessa

I thought of you, Van...

-Eka :)

bronze med

so on the weekend had long swimming test:P i was soooo stressed out! like iits something i care about and i really wanted to pass. so test over i passed and im sooo happppypyyyy!!! they brought me in a room alone with then, quiet, i was so scared, just frozen but shaking... i must have looked funny, wearing simons hatXD i rock that it;)

went skatting after and at first alex could come so i had asked blanche