Blah

I dont really know what to write here
my thought are kinda crazy... Mitchell...obviously
I just dont get it! why am i so not able to let it go! I know that i really like him and id be freaking depressed if he told me to my face to leave him alone but im not like obsessed with this kid...like id be able to move on if he outright ditched me...im not like head over heals in love with him
BUT i still cant seem to let this go! its been going on for 3 months! when will this end! When will i be like ''C'est assez la!'
There are these possibilies that zoe came up with that i had already pretty much thought/heard of
1- I'm in denial resulting in the fact that i actually am completly crazy about him (which i think is highly unlikely)
2- I like the idea of him and i dont want to let go of the ''what could have been''
even at number 2 it still doesnt fully answer my question cause then again why cant i let go of the what could have been? Is it just my personality?I DONT KNOW!
Am i obsessive oor just determined? I DONT KNOW!
Obviously a big obstacle is that i dont know how he feels or could feel
cause according to alex and others agree...i pretty much screwed up when i didnt react to his arm around my waist and then not pulling a move when we hung out again was also stupid on my part
soooo if i actually GET the chance to hang out with him again i lean on him or whatever
Cause sooooorryyy that i dont know nothing about flirting and soooorrry that i too much of a chicken to do anything!
im SCARED! of rejection! that he wont freakin like me! cause it hurts! arg! I'm terrrified everytime i call! that he wont answer or that hell make a quick excuse t get off the phone
and it happened last week! he didnt answer and then never called back
so why am i calling again???
oh yea and i know he was back for canada day cause  he wrote on facebook ''so whos going to the firworks in pointe-claire''
hes not INTRESTED!
and maybe he USED to be but hes making it awfully hard to regain
why cant i just let it go!!! whyyy
shouldnt i try to find someone who would fight as hard as i am? it didnt take him very long to give up after HE thought that I wasnt interested
hes definetly not acting like hes interested but im still trying
it didnt take him very lonng to give up! doesnt that tell me something about him?
arg
blah
i dont even know if this made sense!
-Sekoya