bfdksbnc sdk...SIGH

Well I'm kinda very frustrated at the moment. and vanessa owes me a lollipop cause i bet her that mitch wouldn't have called me over the weekend and guess what? he didnt! i had kinda gotten my hopes up so you guys all know what that does. Usually  i would call one of you guys or zoe or elyse but im just trying to deal with this moment on my own  to see how it goes.

im itching to call one of you but im gonna try to write it out this time and figure it out with out any help.

His Facebook does nothing but cause me more grief cause it makes it so easy for me make assumptions and it also shows me that he's got enough time to go on facebook but for some reason he cant seem to find the time to call me. I dont know what to think of all this but because i have to think of SOMETHING i try to come up with all the possibilities. i see him with girls and i try to figure from the picture if maybe he likes them. im always pleasantly surprised when i find out that the girl is someone else's girlfriend. then i also see these two girls constantly posting pics of them with him and other people and i just come up with all the possibilities because i dont have  ANY information whatsoever cause he doesnt freaking CALL me. I've thought that maybe he met this other girl through friends and now he likes her, so he's avoiding me cause he knows that he led me on. My brain doesn't shut up. Its constantly saying ''maybe this or maybe that'', ''maybe he thinks this or maybe he's thinking that'' And its so pointless cause I can never be sure of anything my over active imagination comes up with but my brain can't help  but come up with stuff cause its not getting any information.

I want to call him. I dont want to call him. i dont know if i should. I am really pissed off but i also feel that the only way to move foward is to see him. its just that im worried that he wont answer and then what? 

I keep eyeing the phone considering...should i call him? but then i just think of calling one of my riends so they can answer the question for me. I want to call him cause i want to see him.I think I'll call him. this would be a huge step if i call him without calling any of you guys first. my heart beat is increasing so i guess thats a sign that im considering it even more than before. I keep on asking my self but ''what if he doesnt answer?'' well i guess ill have to try to find out. but again like i said,   it feels weird to call him without talking to any one else before. i havent even spoken to my sisters. like you guys know i wanted to call him today but usually i call you guys first. o my god just call him already aaaahh okay im gonna do it cause i obviously cant count on him to call me

oh my god please answr please answer

shit my heart is spazzign

its dialeed

now i have to press tlak

shit ahit ahit im freaking out

im trying to calm myself down maybe lost in the echo will help

aaah it kinda is

i love linkin park

Shinoda:
(Yeah) (yo)
You were that foundation
Never gonna be another one, no.
I followed, so taken
So conditioned I could never let go
Then sorrow, then sickness
Then the shock when you flip it on me
So hollow, so vicious
So afraid I couldn't let myself see
That I could never be held
Back up, no, I'll hold myself.
Check the rep, yep you know mine well
Forget the rest, let them know my hell
There and back, yet my soul ain't sell
Keep respect up, the best they fell
Let the the rest be the tale they tell
That I was there saying...

(Chorus)
Chester:
And these promises broken,
Deep below
Each word gets lost in the echo
So one last lie I can see through
This time I finally let you
Go, go, go.

Shinoda:
Test my will, test my heart
Let me tell you how the odds gonna stack up
Y'all go hard, I go smart
How's it working out for y'all in the back, huh?
I've seen that frustration
Been crossed and lost and told no
And I've come back, unshaken
Let down I've lived and let go
So you can let it be known
I don't hold back, I hold my own
I can't be mapped, I can't be cloned
I can't C-flat, it aint my tone
I can't fall back, I came too far
Hold myself up and love my scars
Let the bells ring wherever they are
Cause I was there saying...

(Chorus)
Chester:
And these promises broken,
Deep below
Each word gets lost in the echo
So one last lie I can see through
This time I finally let you go!
Go, go, go.

Shinoda:
No, you can tell 'em all now
I don't back up, I don't back down
I don't fold up, and I don't bow
I don't roll over, don't know how
I don't care where the enemies are
Can't be stopped, all I know, Go Hard!
Won't forget how I got this far
And every time, saying...

(Chorus)
Chester:
And these promises broken,
Deep below
Each word gets lost in the echo
So one last lie I can see through
This time I finally let you
Go, go, go. (Go, go, go)

BEST LYRICS EVER

BEST INSTRUMENTAL EVER

COME ON JULIA YOU CAN DO IT!

OKAY i called him! And I just got off the phone with him 

and i havent really gotten anywhere

we spoke for like half an hour but then he had to go cause his friends were gonna be coming over and he had to clean his room and what not and he said that he would call me later. greeeeaaat. *note the sarcasm*  actually im not even sure if he said call or talk

either ill be super happy and he'll call me tomorrow or he will just never call me and then i will do this all over again on sunday

now i will permit myself to call you peoples 

arg

im still stuck

and i dont even feel like calling you guys for reasons unknown to me

i feel like crap

i need to distract myself so lets watch awkward

Awkward was a good distraction

I still feel like crap though, but I'm trying to convince myself to be happy about other stuff

It's odd that I haven't called anyone...except vanessa to tell her she owes me a lollipop but I didn't even talk on the phone for long though it was an option. I don't know why I'm not calling anyone...maybe I'm just wanting to talk to you guys when I'm out  this this moment purely based off emotion. Cause I always call you guys freaking out. maybe if I call you guys after I'm done freaking out I'll feel better about myself. Like proof that I can handle things without immediately calling you guys at the slightest change. I don'T know. but I do know I'm proud that I called im all on my own. 

He's just soooo frustrating and confusing! arg!

-Sekoya