today is yesterday!

so i met up with him for like 30 min at the park, at first it was very weird...XD then were at teh fence he had his sun glasses on to i tryed to take em off but he ddint wantXD so hed hold my hands and ya at one point he was about to kiss me but not really then when he was really about to kiss me im like i havwe a question, hes like no, im like yes... then im like what i am to u? cuz i dont do friends with benefits stuff, then hes like well ur not a friend with benefits...and after that it kinda went in cercles like id he'd ask what i am to u, then id ask what i am to u, then after hes like wud it help if i asked u out, im like ya, then hes like will u go out with me, i say yes, then im like so ur not with anyone else then right? hes like no no one, then we make out XD and i was like i have to leave then he kisses me and i wantedc topull away but then he didXD and i hug him then i leave.....

then later i get a text saying oh one condition:/ im like what the hell? i ask waht? he says that he doesnt go on fb cuz he doesnt put very personnaly stuff on fb and im like ya i dont want it on eithXD

then i see him a couple min with neusha at the movies and ahhahah omg in the bathroom i was at the mirror and then a lady bumbs into me and after i realize it was his MOM!!!! ahhahahah hes 1/2 btw ;)

-the sluhs with skittles drinker-

first kiss

so today i went over to jeremys :) first he threw me in the pool and i was not able to push him in he just pushed me -.- we smam for about 1 hour. then i was cold so we went inside and i changed and then hang stuff on clothes line. then we go in the basement looking for his kitty cat XD cat wastnt there but he turned on the music and OMG i wanted to dance so badly just not in front of him:P at first we were just lying on the couch then he wud b like go dance and i wud get up but i wasnt gonna dance alone so id try to pull him up but then he'd just stand there and then he'd push me on the couch and id get back up and that went on for a bit a couple times came close to kissing, then this one time we were on our sides facing each other heads close, and he moved in first but not completly and then i went in i donno who went in first exatly but i think thats how it went down.... and well he went for tongues right away, and at first i was like geez ive never kissed anyone feels like i really dont no what im doing... and ya so the first one i was the one who pulled back away and then i think pause then make out again:P i dont remember exatly how everything went down from then XD we made out many times :P id get up dancing sorta:P then he'd move with me and pause then kiss again:P at one point i wasnt confy beign on my side so i like sit up and then i started standing then were like really? no:P then i push him on the couch with me and make out more:P and well at the end i was like i gotta go... then we kissed again i was ontop of him:P ok this is pretty funny writting everything down, so ya then umm he had his hands on my back, i liked that:P then on my ass a bit and try to unhock my bra after and i was like umm hello no! umm shortly after we head upstairs. then go in the garage to get my bike and kissed again there and then hugged and then i leave after he opens the door

and well at one point i stoped kissing pulled back and after pause i was like so what does this make us, i think thats what i said, and i had to repeat it cuz of music then pause then hes like i donno, then kissed me, so now i aksed to hang tmrw so i can askand say that i dont do friends with benefits and i dont just kiss my friends so i gotta no what i am to u friend or girlfriend then after say so ur not going out with anyone else? so thats my plan for tmrw...

right now i just want him back with me....

honnestly the kissing wasnt like how id thought it b :p

cant help but think if he thinks im a good, bad, or ok kisser:P

i m like 90% sure tmrw when he sees me hes gonna go for a kiss right away:P we'll c if im right ;)

tell tmrw;)

-the slush with skittles drinker-

Music is my escape

Songs that have helped me get through hard times:

-Weightless by All Time Low

Knowing that I wasn't going to the Taylor Swift concert that I was REALLY looking forward to. Reminding me that things DO get better. For example, I ended up going to the concert :)

-Good Day by Allstar Weekend:

When I was under pressure about telling JM how I felt.

-Not Your Birthday by Allstar Weekend:

*REALLY WEIRD* Helping me get through long essays & homework when I feel like giving up....

-Here With You by Allstar Weekend:

Helping me realize that it's okay to be slightly obsessed with a band/artist & that I am not alone.

-Hear You Me by Jimmy Eat World

When Ronia died.

-Some Days by Action Item:

Getting through the days that I felt so alone.

-Where You Belong by Action Item:

Helping me realize that I only have one life, so I might as well be happy, take risks & make changes for the better!

-Defenseless by Action Item:

Helping me realize that it's normal to feel weak sometimes, that it's okay to depend on others at times.

-Somewhere Out There by Action Item:

Reminding me that some day, I will find someone that's right for me.

-Satellite by Action Item:

Helping me realize that I need to let go.

-Loved & Looked After by Action Item:

Helping me realize that everyone hides their emotions sometimes, not only me & that everyone goes through hard times when the emptiness seems never ending and you feel like no one wouldd understand.

-Skyscraper by Demi Lovato

-Thunder by Boys Like Girls

-Stuck by Big Time Rush

-Double Vison by 3OH!3 (my happy song)

-See No More by Joe Jonas

-Just Friends by the Jonas Brothers

-Underdog by the Jonas Brothers

-Astronaut by Simple Plan

-This Song Saved My Life by Simple Plan

-Where Is The Love? by the Black Eyed Peas

etc.

:) music saved me.

Skyscraper

Skies are crying
I am watching
Catching teardrops in my hands
Only silence as it's ending, like we never had a chance
Do you have to, make me feel like there is nothing left of me?

[Chorus]
You can take everything I have
You can break everything I am
Like i'm made of glass
Like i'm made of paper
Go on and try to tear me down
I will be rising from the ground
Like a skyscraper!
Like a skyscraper!

[Demi Lovato]
As the smoke clears
I awaken, and untangle you from me
Would it make you, feel better to watch me while I bleed?
All my windows, still are broken
But I'm standing on my feet

[Chorus]
You can take everything I have
You can break everything I am
Like I'm made of glass
Like I'm made of paper
Go on and try to tear me down
I will be rising from the ground
Like a skyscraper!
Like a skyscraper!

[Bridge]
Go run, run, run
I'm gonna stay right here
Watch you disappear, yeah
Go run, run, run
Yeah it's a long way down
But I am closer to the clouds up here

[Demi Lovato]
You can take everything I have
You can break everything I am
Like I'm made of glass
Like I'm made of paper, Oh
Go on and try to tear me down
I will be rising from the ground

Like a skyscraper!
Like a skyscraper!

Like a skyscraper!
Like a skyscraper!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r_8ydghbGSg

Convos with Maniatis

Me: *talking about stoned guys by the camp*

J: LOOOL it seems u run into interesting ppl xD

Me: Hahaha! My life... I could right a book xd

J: U should xD imagine how many almost rape stories u'd have xD

Me: OH MY GOSH. I have like 56328463293 of them!

J: LOL yet ......

Me: Yet?

J: Do I talk or no?

Me: Talk

J: Nobody has ever touched u :P not even u (which I still don't believe xD)

Me: LOOL touched me how? Are you talking first base or further? xD

J: Nobody has ever touched your hooha

Me: haha nope. But thats not a bad thing to me... No need to rush it lol

J: Sureeeeeeeeeee ;)

Me: -.- Just because you're a horny basterd, doesn't mean everyone els is ya knoww.

But I did have green m&ms today hahaha

J: But most ppl are xD and how do green m&ms have anything to do with that?

Me: Haha ok, that's pretty true! Do you not remember the useless fact of the day that green ones make you horny?! :P

J: So it was on subject! xD but everybody should try ittt

Me: Yep, when they're ready ? someone is willing loool. No rape, rape is badddd;)

J: LMFAO not rapee xD just simply touching yourself xD (I love that u go along with these convos :D)

[I didn't answer him for like 10 mins hahaha]

J: ..........

Me: Naaah, that's not for moi, but you go ahead & do it in the privacy of your own room ;)

LOL these convos kinda fascinate me... I'm studying the male species (:

J: Hahahaa but its not disgusting after u ATLEAST try

And males aren't that hard to understand

Me: -.- not gonna try john, just drop it :P & yee cuz you're a guy duuuuuh.

J: I'll never drop it until I know ;) or a pic xD

Me: Keep on dreamin buddyyy, I'm not that easy haha

J: Lmfaoooo I know xD I consider it a challenge :D cmonn plzzzzz

Me: noo-.- you'll never win this challenge! I hope you know that ;)

J: Lmfaoo I'd bother other ppl, but u go along with it :D & its fun admit it ;) cmonnn one pic nobody has to knowwww

Me: LMAO, i don't think i go along with it if i always say no! Now drop it, before I stop putting up with it -.-

J: kk, I'll be back tho xD on another topic, I'm going to laronde tmro :)

Me: grrr-.- & haha so it's legit a date tmrw? :)

J: Noo not tmro, tmro is the family & cost free bcs of my dad's client :D she's still in greece :(

[blablabla]

Me: & omggg does this poor girl know you're the perv you are? :O haha

J: Lmfaoo she has an idea xD but shee's better then u aree she teases me xD no pics tho I wudnt ask that of her :P

Ur my friend she's more :P

[Let me just point out that that was a different text & it actually sounded that he had to state clearly that I'm his friend... like trying to convince himself.]

Me: Haha oh gosh woow. :P & I don't tease you BECAUSE you're my friend ;)

[blablabla, talking about how I look 17 to most people]

J: What's the advantages?

Me: Hot older guys ;)

J: Ahhh and ur gonna give them pics ;)

Me: Nope :) just a lil flirtin that's all ;)

J: Hahaa u shouldd tease btw ;)

Me: Oh I do, just with certain people :P

J: -.-

Me: <3

J: Ur so gayyyyyy

Me: & ur so hornyyy! Go get laid

J: -.- go to ur dentist appointment.

Me: Its at 2 -.- tooth extraction

J: LOL cuz you don't brush ur teeth.

Me: Nope, cuz its actually a baby tooth that won't budge-.-

J: Bcs ur retarded :D

Hehee I enjoy buggin u :D

[blablabla]

Me: The feeling is mutual ;)

[blablabla]

Me: You annoy me (: kinda like a brotha from anotha motha except this bro wants a pic & WONT get one.

J: I will in the end ;) I hope u realize ;

Me: hahaha & how will you win?

Cuz as you can see I'm 100% against it ;)

J: U'll see ;)

Me: Really? I hope your plan is a good one...Cuz I may be retarded but I'm not stupid ;)

J: For now ;)

I don't know how one goes against the other ;)

Me: They're different trust me, I'm not gullible (:

J: When I think of smthingg be afraid ;)

Me: HAHA, you have no plan... You're losing right now ;)

J: No bcs once my inner charlie sheen gets out it never goes back

Me: LOL okay then ;) but I'm not a bit as bubble headed as the chicks he targets :P

J: How do u know that :)

Me: I just know (; You'll soon figure that out

J: How so? :)

Me: Well, you'll find out ;)

J: I'm seriously curious :D wat?

Me: Patience ;)

J: K ;)

[blablabla]

Me: Hahaha, so how about laronde? Are you there?

J: No :)I'm eating and leaving

Me: Cool, scream my name on a ride & look like a retard? :D

J: HAHAHA no -.-

Me: :( so far, 6 people have done it haha

J: :|

Me: I'm good ;)

J: Ur retarded :D <3 and on that note, I leave u ;)

THE END

watta perv. Why do I care about him? I don't think I like him though.... Especially with this douchebag side. He's just my friend............... With benefits? NOOOOOOOO. hahahaha

17 july 2011

Helloooo! So after 2 weeks of J being gone i finally got to see him today :) First i met him at his house cuz he didnt want to go to the park cuz he was like im gonna get burnt :P so we went for a swim at his place. i changed when i got there and then i think he thought of pushing me in but i just went in and jumped! water was sooo warm but like too warm XD we hung in the poool for 1 hour andd 1/2, we just went around i had fun swimming it felt nice:D then we go inside and watch the first 1/2 of hp 7 part 1. we cuddled... :) then i had to leave to he stopped it and then i try to get up and he pulls me back down like the other times:P and he pulled me down again and this time we were like sitting facing each other and obvs it seemed like he might kiss me who nos i got up cuz i really didnt want to b late an d my mom get mad at me... i got up stairs and i meet his grandparents XD and i met his grandad when he came down while we were watching the movie and we were cuddling- arkward:P at one point wehn we were int he pool we were each leaning on this cannot floating toy:P face to face and then hes like u ahve green eyes....LOL so we watched the movie and he held my hand then too:P then i leave and i get a big hug as always and then he whispers ill c u later :)

then i bike to the movies and stay where i parked my bike bhind the theater and i was reading... the movies was soon gonna start and i was like 10 min 5 min texting him and i was getting reallly pissed cuz im likke its hp!!!! then i get a callhe called fromm a phone booth or soemthing and he was inside the theater and he didnt have his cell he forgot it in his sisters car -.- and so he did bike but he put his bike at a random place not where the bikes go.... then i go inside get my ticket and while im getting candy he pops up bhind me and then we walk in the theater. he was wearing a hat and i cudnt take him serisouly in it XD so we watched hte movie ti was really goooood!!!! so at first it almost seemed like he was leaning to the girl bside him but l8er he puts his arm on the armrest and his hand like on the toehr side of my cup that was there, he left it there for a while and at one point i had my legs up and he hand on my leg then he kinda taped my hand i guess u cud say then i put my hand near his and he grabes it, and our hands where intertwined. but it was funny cuz after a while my fingers were hurting but i didnt wanna move... and he wud like squese my hand a lil randomly while we were holding hands and when he did i wud get a rush of warmth... it was nice:) so then the movie was over and we walked outside. we passed his bike first so he gets his then we walk to mine 1 min away:P and i unlock mine. then were just standing there, at one point i try to take his hat but he keeps backing away XD the hat was too funny. at another point he was tickling me and then i kinda get pushed to the wall and im like no ur not pushing me to the wall then i push him in a way, not really pushing.. :P then he was agasint the wall and i had my back leaning on him and i was sitting kinda on his knee it was funny then i fell his phone vibrate so he answers and its his sister again:P i didnt wanna leave, at that point we hugged and it was a long hug like i was wondering is he gonna push away cuz im not:P i like being in his hugs... feels good :) then there was a car comming but slowly and then it stoped so were like euuh what is he doing? :P then i think thats when the hat thinf happedned or soemthing and i was untangling my earphones for my bikeride home then hes like do i get a hug goodbye? im like let me untangle this:P then i finish and we hug again, not short not long but nice and then he leaves. ohh b4 when i was ``on his lap`` he was like so whats that dare? i was like well u cant do it cuz thers no one around XD then when he leaves i dont remember what he said exatly but he was like i still have to ask u that truth but didnt cuz he was biking away while he said that... thne when im biking home i remembered that while he was texting me while he was away he was like i have a question 4 u to ask in person remindme and i only remembered then XD

then when i get home he texted me that hes sister was mad he was late cuz she picked him u0p... then im like whats the truth question? he says lol u home? im like no im in hawaii heslike u didnt bring me:O then im like so guess ur not asking me the question now hes like eventually;) then im like whacha thinking bout? hes like uhhm.. u :) then asks me i say mostly u and also how ill b able to sleep cuz i got my blinds back!!! hes like wachyu thinking bout me? blind r annoying i always sleep with mine open he says and im like how do u sleep? hes like i close my eyes:P and i dislike guessing games he says and i say ur a vampire, i declared it ,hes like i aint no vampire and im like i bet ur gonna jump thre my window and watch me sleep,. hes like ya then im gunna kiss u and smakc u ion a wall saying no i cant do this and thenn run away :P thne he asks again what i was thinking bout him? i ask whats the truth question, then hes like ill tell u when i see u unless u guess it first... then he says it involves me in the question

l8er he asks me: ur 15 right? :P thne i say i heard u had an intene convo with a and hes like saying what? im like he didnt say much but ehres the intenrreting part he said:assume? trust my van, both me and jeremy know

anyways

he was wondering if he was gunna ask you out or not

but he discided not too

said he was gunna wait awhile lol

thats pretty much all i can tell ya

ummmm sooo yyaaaa:P i wanna tell him when he gets back but im scared.... i had fun with him though.... i love being in those hugs with him though its funny its like in that moment we can just stay like that safe away from everyone....

well thats all for now

im just super confused...:)

the slush with skittles drinker ;)

What Goes On In My Head

1) 1) Boys. I have no crush anymore & yet, they still invade my thoughts.

John. A few days ago, I asked my brain if John is going to fall for me at some point & it was a very clear “Yes.” So, I’m just thinking. I don’t like him anymore, but if he were to like me?... I have no ideas. A part of me is like “You should go for it! It’ll be an experience & he’s not the worst…” & then, the other part of me says “Noo, you just got over him! Don’t go back down that road. He’s a perv too!” But all guys are, right? He makes me laugh, I know for a fact he cares about me, he has as much or even less relationship experience as I do, he’s older & taller…. But he’s a horny basterd, he likes a challenge, he’s obsessed with COD, he pisses me off so much at times & he loves annoying me (mutual feeling). I seriously don’t know what I would say. Let’s just hope he doesn’t fall for me……. It would be interesting if he did though. Gah.

Laurent. He’s a sweetheart, he is my “bff”, he makes me feel awkward at times & I love the way it feels when he simply touches me. That conversation last week has got my mind reeling… Does he actually like me? Or is the random contact, holding hands, mock fighting, pool fights, big hugs, flirty smiles & flirty whispering just something I notice? I would just like to know if he does or not, so I can stop thinking about it.

Jeremy. I think about him because of the way he acts with you & then, he says he doesn’t know if he wants to go out with you or not. It’s just like make up your mind bro, I don’t want my bestie to get hurt.

2) 2)My mental state.

Right now, I’m so happy. But before, sometimes, I wasn’t. Feeling so alone in a crowded room, that empty feeling, feeling like there was no one who understood. It bugged me. It even scared me. I googled depression. I was so relieved to find out I wasn’t depressed. It was like I was balancing on the edge of mild depression though. At first, I think I was in denial that something wasn’t right & I became good at hiding it. It’s way over now & I’m glad. I conquered that part of my life & I’m so proud I didn’t let it get worse.

[Follow @cr0sstheline on twitter, she or he is amazing. The 0 in cross is a zero btw.]

ANYWAYS GOODNIGHT! I felt like writing.... :P

I have no idea, I just wanna write (:

Allstar Weekend FanFiction by Erika :)

I gazed at him from a distance. He was so unbelievably gorgeous. Huge blue eyes, dark brown hair that fell on his face in just the right way… And that smile, that beautiful smile that could brighten up anyone’s day.

As someone shoved me to the right, I came to my senses. I finally acknowledged the big crowd of rowdy fans around me. For those few seconds, I had completely forgotten I was at a concert. It had just been me & him, him & I, Zach & Erika.

I rocked out to the music of my favourite band, feeling so alive, so at home. Concerts were my addiction. I closed my eyes as I took it all in. The vibration of the floor, the warm bodies pressed against me & the sound of HIS voice. This was so perfect.

I opened my eyes & stared at the boy I loved. Suddenly, his eyes flickered to mine. Those amazing eyes stared into mine with such intensity that I could’ve fainted. I know what you’re thinking. How could I be so sure he was staring at me? Well, I don’t know. I just had this feeling.

[Well, I don't know, I just started it! Tell me what you think :)]