1) 1) Boys. I have no crush anymore & yet, they still invade my thoughts.
John. A few days ago, I asked my brain if John is going to fall for me at some point & it was a very clear “Yes.” So, I’m just thinking. I don’t like him anymore, but if he were to like me?... I have no ideas. A part of me is like “You should go for it! It’ll be an experience & he’s not the worst…” & then, the other part of me says “Noo, you just got over him! Don’t go back down that road. He’s a perv too!” But all guys are, right? He makes me laugh, I know for a fact he cares about me, he has as much or even less relationship experience as I do, he’s older & taller…. But he’s a horny basterd, he likes a challenge, he’s obsessed with COD, he pisses me off so much at times & he loves annoying me (mutual feeling). I seriously don’t know what I would say. Let’s just hope he doesn’t fall for me……. It would be interesting if he did though. Gah.
Laurent. He’s a sweetheart, he is my “bff”, he makes me feel awkward at times & I love the way it feels when he simply touches me. That conversation last week has got my mind reeling… Does he actually like me? Or is the random contact, holding hands, mock fighting, pool fights, big hugs, flirty smiles & flirty whispering just something I notice? I would just like to know if he does or not, so I can stop thinking about it.
Jeremy. I think about him because of the way he acts with you & then, he says he doesn’t know if he wants to go out with you or not. It’s just like make up your mind bro, I don’t want my bestie to get hurt.
2) 2)My mental state.
Right now, I’m so happy. But before, sometimes, I wasn’t. Feeling so alone in a crowded room, that empty feeling, feeling like there was no one who understood. It bugged me. It even scared me. I googled depression. I was so relieved to find out I wasn’t depressed. It was like I was balancing on the edge of mild depression though. At first, I think I was in denial that something wasn’t right & I became good at hiding it. It’s way over now & I’m glad. I conquered that part of my life & I’m so proud I didn’t let it get worse.
[Follow @cr0sstheline on twitter, she or he is amazing. The 0 in cross is a zero btw.]
ANYWAYS GOODNIGHT! I felt like writing.... :P
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