Friday the 13th

I had an interesting day friday. Most importantly I got a turtle. I also got 39 on 40 in my math. test. But my mom was also drunk. She has been getting herself drunk quite often over this month so I don't think it was her resolution. However yesterday she was REALLY drunk. we were eating supper and she was making the weirdest comments but at this point we all laugh at her cause she says the weirdest things when she's like that. We were able to see that she was progressively getting more drunk as whatever she drank kicked in. My dad told me to bring her up to her room. So I did the usual. I told her that she had worked really hard all day and that shes probably really tired and that she should go to sleep. So i half carried her up the stairs and lay her down telling her in a nice voice to go to sleep. I went back down stairs and continued eating. all of a sudden we hear bang bang clunk bang and we run to the stairs where my mom had just fell and was now sitting on the ground cradling her head in hands. My first aid training kicked in and I did what I was supposed to do. I realized while I crouched down beside my mom that all I really felt was irritated and I was hoping she hadn't done anything serious to herself cause I didn't want to have to go to the hospital. I wasn't worried about her! at all!

my dad and I carried her upstairs and discovered that she had a cut over her eye we took care of it and then my dad left and i stayed there and held the ice on her head. She was so annoying cause she wouldn't stop trying to touch the bandage and every time she would lift her arm I would say ''arm down!'' but since she was drunk she would forget every time and I was really annoyed so every time she lifted her arm I'd grab it and pin it down and yell at her to keep it down. I was alone in the room cause I kinda volunteered to take care of her. Sara came up at one point cause she as leaving and I mentioned how I felt bad cause I didn't care that she fell and was just really irritated. Sara made me feel better cause she said she knew how I felt. I was talking about the incident today in the car with my dad and we were exchanging stories about when my mom has been drunk in the past. My dad was saying how once when sara was six emily was 5 and me one, he recieved a voice mail from sara and emily crying saying mommy was on the floor drunk and they didn't know what to do.

Imagine! we were all so young and I was a freakin baby and my mom was drunk on the floor.

My dad cam rushing home. he said that he lost 5 years of his life that day.

I remember my mom falling down the stairs sooo many times! I remember from when I was five till now. I remember when I was in 2nd- third grade being on the phone with my dad in tears cause mommy fell down the stairs or cause mommy is drunk. I remember calling Josée (freds mom) so many times when I was in 5th 6th grade cause I'd be alone at home and my mom would come back home drunk and I didn't knwo what to do. she once got dropped off by the ambulance and I didnt know what to do so I called Josée. I remember in 4th grade till now not calling anyone cause I knew the protocol when it comes to my mother being drunk. I remember once in elementary school when my mom picked me up after school and I could tell she was drunk so I didn't want to go in the car cause sara had told me never to drive with mom when she was drunk but my mom forced me in and I cried the whole 5min ride cause I was afraid I was gonna die. I remember so many moments from when my mom was drunk. I've seen my dad slap my mom when she was drunk trying to snap her out of it. I've seen myself slap my mom cause I was so mad at her. I seen my sisters on the phone with my dad. She's screwed up our lives and I hate her for it. She's messed me up so much and I remember when Erika showed me the song by Demi Lovato and I cried. I listened to it just now and sobbed cause its exactly what i feeling

Four years old with my back to the door,
All I could hear was the family war.
Your selfish hands always expecting more.
Am I your child or just a charity award?

You have a hollowed out heart,
But it's heavy in your chest.
I try so hard to fight it,
But it's hopeless, hopeless.
You're hopeless.

Oh father, please father
I'd love to leave you alone, but I can't let you go.
Oh father, please father
Put the bottle down for the love of a daughter.

It's been 5 years, since we've spoken last,
And you can't take back what we never had.
I can be manipulated only so many times.
Before even "I love you" starts to sound like a lie.

You have a hollowed out heart,
But it's heavy in your chest.
I try so hard to fight it,
But it's hopeless, hopeless.
You're hopeless.

Oh father, please father
I'd love to leave you alone, but I can't let you go.
Oh father, please father
Put the bottle down for the love of a daughter.

Don't you remember I'm your baby girl?
How could you push me out of your world?
Lied to your flesh and your blood
Put your hands on the ones that you swore you loved.
Don't you remember I'm your baby girl?
How could you throw me right out of your world?
So young when the pain had begun,
Now forever afraid of being loved.

Oh father, please father
I'd love to leave you alone, but I can't let you go.
Oh father, please father
Oh father, please father
Put the bottle down for the love of a daughter.
For the love of a daughter