New Year's Eve

So i just came back from watching : New years eve with Sean, and i loved it! You guys prob wont :P but to me i wish i could watch it again right now.

You see, new years eve for me, how i remember the past ones is like this: Every year i went to go see my dad working, join the party for the countdown, expect for 2 years, last year when we stayed home for the first time and had Mario and Susan over and 3 years ago, i think, were we went to go see parents friends: Steve & Josie. How i remember it, is every year iv gone to a party. Last year it killed me staying home and not doing anything. I still dressed up as if i was going out, i had fun playing just dance 2 with Sean and doing karaoke with everyone, but that was like Christmas fun, just not New years fun, and then the countdown, omg that hurt.. we didnt even count down while watching TV, just all there... no loud huge countdown, screaming down the numbers, no ballons dropping, no screaming HAPPY NEW YEARS by many people, no confetti, no loud music, no lights everywhere, no magic. Its not like we had a fun house party with family friends, like the night would have been acceptable if we did a good countdown and more excitement...

now this year, i come home to Mario & Susan already here, watching a movie, no one dressed up, everyone all relaxed, and were going to eat soon, then we'll see what happens...

Obviously not this year, not the next, but the one after that i'm going to spend a while getting ready, look all nice, go out, have a huge countdown, loud, fun, good time. To me, its not about having a time to get high, really drunk, no. Its about going out with a friend and partying, because your celebrating a year that has ended and now a new one to come, new New year resolutions to set and to soon come true. Iv never been to a party with all family and people i know, every year i knew my parents and brother, that was it, im used to partying around strangers and thats how i like it. Not everyone gets my love for new years:P i cant wait for that 18th new years! So now im going to go back downstairs and not do anything, im staying home while others get to go out, dress up, and party. this year im not going to act like a lil kid and dress up when im not going out, like last year... i simply look nice, like i was going out to family friends house for dinner... i hate how im stuck at home, but only thing that makes me feel better and not go punch a hole threw the wall is the fact that i have 2 years (including this one) and then ill go get to have some fun!

one year i will go to New York city for new years eve!

one year i will get kissed, when the countdown reaches 1, by someone i really like, someday love

one year ill get to get all dressed up and go out to have a blast

this year to come will be better then the last, a lot has happened in the last year:P and a lot more to come and i cant wait to see what amazing things will happen!

Last post written this year ;)

-Nessa

almost a fire

So last night eka came over for a sleepover, and i had a lot of fun! i love spending hours talking (till 7 am), saying new things, trying new things (beerXD) i enjoyed it<3 then we broguht charlie out in the freezing cold! after i use this thing my mom got me for xmas, its called heat in a click, its a lil thing that gets really hot for a lil bit. so after using it you have to put it in boilling water to get it back to normal, so when she left i think thats when i wrapped it in a clothe then put it in the pan. i dotn remember what happened after, but i was first putting away sleepover stuff, then doing cartwheels, then dad and i started moving the tv, putting another one there and rearraging all the wires and vaccumed, at one point we were like it stinks, but said oh its the vaccum. at one point my dad noticed it was a lil foggy downstairs, and he asks in a hurry if i had anything on the stove, i answered i donno, maybe. i was so confused. we run upstairs, full of smoke! i go and open the doors, all the windows, and he took it off the stove, the pot was all black gue, he put it under cold water and it was making noises for a bit... i was surprised my dad didnt scream or anything like that at me, like if it was sean i bet he would ahve. he did say: i tell sean all the time not to leave the store unattended...he put his sweater on and after a while we close all the stuff up, go back to working downstairs, a lil smoky there, andn then i see on the phone it says 5:00, i go look at my hpoen to check time and yes its 5, i tellmy dad right away im supposed to be at martas, so we run, i get mystuff adn we head over there. i had to go babysit melissa.once there she was good at first, we ate blabla, then at 7 i try to start getting her ready for bed, so she got pjs on and brushed her teeth but after that oh boy.. she oculdnt fall asleep so we went adn watched cat in the hat, after she goes tot he bathroom, isnt listening to me, starts hitting me, giving me a pretty hard time, at 10 i bring her up for the 3 time and then she fell asleep! i was sooooo happy! then i get home and it still smells here fo the burned pan. now im in bed, at 1:30 am, and cant really sleep.... i dont feel like sleeping... now i have no internet, in the dark, i think imma listen to music...:) i feel like not sleeping like last nightm although i did get some sleep but i cud have stayed up... ummmlalalala i wanna go for a walk, but i wish i cud and it wudnt b cold out, a summer walk to the park... now its 3, still up.... umm now 4, just told j aobut the whole alice story:P and i shud b about to pass out, yet im not... whats wrong with me?

-nessa

Addiction

I realize that I get in a really bad mood when it's been too long that I haven't talked to John... I find it so sad. It's like a drug addiction... pfft. Anyways, all in all, this is not working out too well. I know what I eventually have to do, but I don't want to. Every single fiber in my body rejects the thought of doing it, but I know I have to some day... I just wish I was more brave.

-Eka

Pendula

So I've decided to name the stuffed snow leopard Pendula. I got it from WWF cause Sara and Jason adopted one in my name for my birthday. It's the name of a tree in Asia. I wanted a name of a tree but it had to be from Asia cause that's where snow leopards are from. I like it. I find it suits my snow leopard.

Now i have an obsession with the name Pendula and Sekoya

-Sekoya

P.S. Merry Christmas!

I love you guys! Have fun today!

Jeremy situation

alright so i tryed to hang out with him on thursday but he was busy, then on friday i tryed again but it was too late when i woke up, so then i called him, first time he didnt answer-.- thenhe called me back, and it started off small talk, he was out shopping with sister and mom and it was loud where he was but i went and said what i had to... i said iv been thinking and things arent working out between us, then i wasnt sure if he was listening to i didnt say anything else, adn then he said k continue... i dont remember muh what i said anymore... but i had said you havent changed since i met you, and well his reaction toe verything was very calm, oh yeah, at one point i said that i find we skipped the whole being freinds part and thats what caused this, then he said do you want to take it from there... he said he was impressed that i called him. i had saked him if he ever kissed anyone else whilte we were goign out he said lie cheated? i said like if it was trutg or dare i donno, he siad no

then i get home and i see a text from him, asking how long i felt this way, i said this week i realized and he said he thought it was longer, then asks me what made me realize, i sadi talking with friends, he asks who, and i asnwered eka julia and a lil gaby, then hes like erika? really? he asks what u guys said adn then ask: you say i havent chaned since we met%? i said ur just as closed upvague secretive non talking like b4, he says heh thats funy:P im like im glad i amuse u? he siad im laughing at the irony between waht u knowm reality and what u say.. (...) he sayd: thing is vi told u lots,many secrest iv had but i dont say theres secrets which is whyi assume u wudnt know, but u seem to assume what i tell u iv told the world. i can tellu alot f stuff iv told u maybe 1 or 2 people have know bfor, i say yeah seems like what u tell me u can tell anyoneand like u must think i havent toldu anything but if u cared ud ask more about me which u dont do often he says closed up is who i am, well who iv become,vague is how i speak if u want to know something ask it, tihng is many things i cant say over text/ u say i dont care about u??? (...) hes says its treu when i met u i thought u wud b a person in this world who i cud really b me and tell everything to and i honestly think u r... then he calls me and nothing happened, and then he had to go so convo was pointless... then at night he was a lil drunk, then randomly asks do u think someone who smokes fromtiem to time is a druggie?n and im like depends who often that is, how often do u smoke? he says who said ive smoked? i say noone but i bet u u have, he asks y, and so im guessing idf i were tot ell u i had never smoked u wudnt believe me? then hes stil pushing ont he question being like soemone who dse 3-4 times a month? then asks once a motnh? the says once amonthn as in theres a big party and rthey get high to go to it then asks me if i ahd the chance to wud i try it,... then hes lke legs play 20 questions, so he starts with do u like squirles? -.- it ended there that game, adn then i mention that he has a way with words adn then later syas most ways i maniupulatwords with people is to either help them out or find a solution to their problem on their own or help someoen out (.._ he says i dnt recall trying to manipulte u pthert then once for the good of someone else and i donno if it worked but sure seemed like it didXD then doesnt tell me when0-.- (..) says he forgot ALOT of what he wanted to say when eh called(..) then says (hes a secret not many people find out) ;) cuase people who know me very wellknow that i wouldput the good to someone else beor me and as i have don MANY timesb4 i gotin deep shit for it, having to play with words to get me out of it or get me less worse penalties:/, adds on later : bad stuff, iv almost gotten expelles 3 times for it, have served 2 suspensions for it, got beaten up atleast 3 people atelas twice ..... hit in the back with metal bars..idk if u know but that fkin hurts althoughalot fo things i ahve done got me soem good too, so compensates:)(..) most people who start a real fight with me know not to come single-handed and most dont anymore:P(...) he sayd but anywho ide think u ahve apretty good understanding of whoi am now?hope that wasnt too clsoed up for u? adn then he went to see his lil sister at 3:30 am for somethnig.

y i wanted to break up: because he dsent let me meet his friends, he doesnt talk to me, we dont do anything, hes very secretive, very vague, doesnt seem like hes changed since i met him, doesnt make effort to talk, i cant have real talk with ihm in person....

right now i dont know what i want from him, but we'll try to be friends and see where that goes, if we get tot he point that i can have a actual convo with him, and really talk about stuff, then we'll c what will happen then, but now just me being here and i donno:) i dont wanna lose Jeremy, that thought scares me, donno y just does... but i deserve better then him... hes not crazy like me, hes like always tired, not too much fun, he takes forever to asnwer my texts,i want someone that i can talk to, make me laugh, gets me and he doesnt quite have any of that... and like who knows how he feels about me, he didnt sounds too sad over the phone about what i said...

right now im confused, like aslways-.- but immma start a new year, single, with an open mind!

btw i find it funny how most people r good at talking/ complaining but not listening... at least you guys are:)

( yesterday deanna (fam friend daughter) asked if i had a boyfriend, first thing that came out was yes, then oh no, then i was like its complicated:P wow im clearXD)

ps dad admited to sean that he always speaks loud, so yeah his talking is like screaming:/ just now he called my name like he was pissed but he camein my room jsut to show a funny vid on his phone:P

-nessa

My tumblr

If you want to check it out sometime, the link is here. :)

http://gummybearsandthings.tumblr.com/

-Eka

Erikas Present

Hi Erika!
You'll get the video on a cd next year haha
but for now here are the links

Part 1! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GABpPh_BC4k&feature=plcp&context=C3db27d4UDOEgsToPDskIs24uD115T1hjFHsHHpYqZ

Part 2! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dx3qtIiMhjE&feature=context&context=C3db27d4UDOEgsToPDskIs24uD115T1hjFHsHHpYqZ

Sorry for sometimes being off with the karaokes in terms of timing and in the third song i'm a bit off at the begining but I'm constantly off so it doesn't sound that bad however you'll notice cause you know the song.
I hope you don't get to bored while watching it!
I love you!
-Sekoya

stuff going threw my mind

So today i got math exam back. Ihad worked crazy hard on it, did all the stuff he said to and extra. My stomach was turning the whole class i was so nervous to infd out my result... I ended up gettin 63%, which for me is really good. Last moyenne 47%, so i went up a lot. You see me&my dad had made this deal, that he'll get me beats if i bring up my math moyenne to 65-70%. So when i got back my exam i was disapointed i didnt get 65% cuz of my dad, but still its no my moyenne. I was also a tiny bit happy i didnt fail, but bad feeling over came that even though its i think the only math test iv passed. So then i get home and tell dad thinking he'll b happy that its better but will want higher. Instead, after he finds out my note he gives me this look, and i say what? Its not the moyenne yet, just one note. Then he says yes but i want higher! He goes on about how i should be high 70%! And im like im trying really hard, he says your trying hard but i want really hard! Then goes on about howif i dont get better notes he'll take away my phone and everything that i love, he'll take away the beats and way more… and im like thats not part of the deal, he keps on adding higher notes and more consequences-.- basically he had just gotten mad at me and warned me about much graver consequences and howhe'll take out all distractions. After he went off yelling i went to get my chips and almost started bawling myeyes out but knew i couldnt cuz was leaving soon and i managed not to:)then left when i got back afterhewas like hugging me saying im happy you got a better note, and you passed (b4 he was like you didnt pass, oyu have to pass) then he was like give me a kiss when i neede 5$ for school, dinde-.- the whole night i was pissed and having julia ask me every now and then if i was ok? drove me nuts cuz i wanted to talk but cudnt then. And like yeah 63 is not a good note, but iw ill get more point cuz he gave us second chance and iv gotten a good 10%better, worked my ass off sooooooo much…. For that i get yelled at adn threated more. Now im in my room writting on word cuz internet off and its 12 and im pretending to be sleeping cuz not aloud up but gotta study adn need more light so waitting fro them ot be asleep… im curious how much sleep ill get tognight:PI m not as pissed at dad as i was in the moment but still allthe same..-.- like can he not see that im trying hard? And its like sometimes i slip and get tired but then i pull myself back! And the way hes goign to treat me id if it doesnt payoff then takeabout phone and ipod and beats and treat me like im fucking 8 years old-.- my da is so bipolar, like mom said when they were checking palce for bday that dad had many ideas and was into it! Then at home im like well no not that day cuz eka and hes like oh too bad for her! And omg the whoel thing about julia! Like it seems whenever i wanna hepl a friend out they dont want me to-.- i do too much according tothem. Its like no, thats how friend are, you helpe ach other out, as easy as that.!

Now i feel like writting about jeremy:P aight so whats the deal? Hes closet up, had no trust in me, might b druggie, parties hard, doesnt sleep, doesnt love my crazyness, is boring, doesnt seem to have interrest in my life. Why the fuck do i hang with him? He has a way with words-.- but i cant let that win! All he seems to carea bout is making out, he'lls ay he trust me but hasnt proven it, hes asked me what i want for xmas and im just like nothing he cant seem to be getting that-.- hesby far the vaguest person i know!-.- its like i cant break up till julia meets him so that better b soon:P prob frogday:) hes just alwasy twist around my words, makes me the bag guy… i want a guy i can b myself around, makeme laugh, want to dos tuff, him ahve idea,s onei can trust and respect each other…. Hes noone of that. Whne i walk to him most time im like i can brek up with oyu but latelty for first time im thinking more about it...and today for the first i told him i feel,, waht im erally thinking and ill fihgt against wha ti disagree with… feels good for once:P so weird feeling i have right now..i dont feel like sleeping..i wanna take shower study weel downstiars with light! Andthen iwould wanna do whonoes what but not sleeping… or sleep for a full day, 24 hours just i bed!<3 i want a guy that can b like me, my type...like nowim starting to rethink about the whole snowglobe thing for jeremy:/ lke what will he do with6 wud he care bout it? I need a guy that wud love it…:/ (omg imfreezing right now:s) ok i should go start studying ECR:/ ps wtach me not stay up will 1:/30:P

Pps seems like when i get mad he ends up givin gup or he wins and then sends hearts and saying he trust me-.- yeah thats gonna fix allthe shit?

Ppps sorry this text is so messed up:P ijust wrote whatever wa son my mind

-nessa

I thought of you, Van...

-Eka :)

bronze med

so on the weekend had long swimming test:P i was soooo stressed out! like iits something i care about and i really wanted to pass. so test over i passed and im sooo happppypyyyy!!! they brought me in a room alone with then, quiet, i was so scared, just frozen but shaking... i must have looked funny, wearing simons hatXD i rock that it;)

went skatting after and at first alex could come so i had asked blanche

GIFs

Anyways, I gotta go study...

Right......
Hahaha,

singing wicked :)

Sara and me sang wicked in her car on the way back from watching jasons volley tournament on Saturday and i held all the notes in Defying Gravity!Long and strong! yay! im happy! Just thought I'd mention it! Finally i made it!
-Sekoya

“In truth we dance only with ourselves, but sometimes we move clearly enough that others may connect with us.”

Dancing with myself to Mylo Xyloto is always fun for a while but gets kinda lonely when nobody wants to dance with you. I wish you guys were there cause i know you guys would dance with me. So i just had to live with dancing with myself and it wasn't that bad, I found out!
-Sekoya

this week

I went to school monday trying to be as hyper and as Julia like as possible. Like i do when i fake cry i have to exagerate the emotion and believe that im actually feeling like that. So in this case making myself believe that i was feeling happy. It was going well and only when i had time to think would i remind myself that i was sad. I was pushing the sadness out of my mind and it was working until vanessa said '' why are you sad?'' and i was like ''im no sad...'' and vanessa said ''but you just said you were sad and depressed...'' me, ''no i didn't...'' anyways that kind of screwed me over cause i had slipped with out even noticing. and the fact that i said that i was sad without noticing made me very scared because it was done without noticing...I went into a kind of daze after that and tried to forget that i had said it but it wa too late cause something had alreaady clicked in my head that brought me to just fall apart in front of you guys. I was trying so hard to be happy and hyper and like my usual self but it was just to much. I was just lying there, my head on the table and everything that had been bothering me was swarming my brain as i cried silently. I was hearing yelling in my head and voices and dogs barking and teachers lecturing and just voices in general. all of this probably seemed to have come out of nowhere but all of these things that id been pushing back had been very present in my head and i guess something snapped.
I was freaked out when i got home cause i was still down and when i walked into the house and up the stairs it hadn't even been 20second and my dad asked me ''whats wrong? what happened?'' I couldn't believe how fast it was for him to know something was up.
That night i didn't sleep. i just lay there all night my mind never going into the subconscious. I don't know what i was thinking about . I dont remember. I just remember a buzzing all through out the night and that every sound was amplified.
at school i was still in daze but forced myself to act happy because Arièle was sad about alexis with his new girlfriend. so i had a motivation to stay happy cause arièle needed me. It was easy to stay happy and exaggerate the emotion cause arièle needed me. It was harder to stay happy at lunch and i had to keep putting myself back into character cause i knew i could be sad around you guys but i didn't want to be a hassle and being sad isn't fun so no matter how exhausting it is to bring on the happiness i needed it cause being sad about stuff just tears me down more. And erika made it easier to stay in a good mood cause she was making me smile. It just was very exausting and i was hoping that i would actually sleep that night.
that evening i spoke to vanessa on the phone and she distracted me by telling me a story about a frog who wanted to jump as far as the rabbit. It was a very good distraction so even though she didn't know what to say she helped me out anyways.
that night i didn't sleep either but i was happy to find out that the lack of sleep was kicking in cause i was falling asleep on arièle in the bus and then i slept at home when i got home. Vanessa and me went to the pool and that was fun and helped me sleep that night so im happy i got that over with.
this is a very long text and im not gonna put in an explanation to why i was acting the way i was. I'm not ready to tell you why but maybe i'll wind up writting it down here or I'll tell you guys in person. i don't know when ill tell you what happened but when im ready i will. thank you guys for being there for me and sorry for this long paragraph filled with stuff you already now. I just wanted to write it down
-Sekoya

i am now in my house:)

I waited until my mom came home and she let me in. Sara was inside all along so i guess i didn't ring the door bell right but whatever at least in inside now:)
-Sekoya

locked out of my house...

I forgot my keys and both of my neighbours aren't home sooo...here I am in my back yard waiting for someone to come home with only the company of my signing voice. but my mom should come home soon. I'm just a little cold.
-Sekoya

Julia,

I just wanted to remind you that I love you. I love you as much as I love music & that's saying something! You are one of the only people who can understand me almost completely & I have never quite admired anyone as much as I admire you... "Call me crazy, I think you're amazing." I'm quoting Action Item, but it's 100% true. I don't think you know how fond I am of you. You've saved me from going insane so many times... I swear, I'm not sure where I'd be without you.. That's a scary thought, so I'll just be thankful I have you in my life :)I also wanted to remind you that I'll be there for you no matter what. You don't need to explain, one look or one word and I'll be there :)All this said, I forgot to give you the Lion Kind Broadway CD, so I'll be running downstairs to give it to you hehe :P Make sure to listen to Endless Night on that album! I love it.

"YOU AND I DEFYING GRAVITY" I don't know why I wrote that... I guess I just thought of Wicked!

Feel free to call me tonight if you feel like talking!
I LOOOOOOOOOOOVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE YOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU.

-Eka xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox chickens

PS: math class, no me gusta.

SWIMMING

so i just went swimming, i was there from 8:40 to 9:30, i did time swim, and i did 28 laps in 15 min in the school pool, she said it was 23 yards i tihnk? or meters?i donno:S so yeeahh rightnow i feel amazing:D and tmrw ill be at the pool from 6 to 10:D :P with arielle from swimming, yup were crazzy
i love the feeling i get after swimming<3
and i saw again water polo guys, and there one from our school..i forget his name, if i c him you guys willhave to tell me his name (if you know it obv):)
and julia, so were going to go onthursday right? if my mom brought you to te pool can your dad bring us back after? cuz my mom has survivor night and she can bring me but not back home:S so yeah let me know!:D

-nessa

I HATE LOLS

so i told j:a well dad was just being stupid and yelling...:/
[19:18:25] Vanessa Roque: day was pretty good:D and imma go swimming in a hour:D
he says:what did he do? o.O
i say:my dad just yells for no reaons, such stupid things but it gets on my nerves
he says: lol
then he adds:so.. he just yelled at you randomly?
[19:32:48] Jeremy Durette: for no reason at all? ;)
and i say not me
he says :S

like for you to took 5 min minutes to then add something that your like half joking and keep me there with a lol, pisses me off!! i meen lol to me meens you dont care, you dont feellike writting anything
and then yeah you shud just leave it at that for 15 and how knows how much longer,k dont bother asking more, finding out whats the problem

if i break up with J, i know that there are guys like Chris that can make me feel better and seem to get me, somewhere out there, obv not him hes got a gf and lives far but soemwhere... so why should i settle for J now?

chris said this:just
be close friends
open him up
and if all goes well
give em a chance again

i hadnt thought ot that...
-nessa

dads daily yelling

so we just had super, it was enjoyable, we had meatloaf, (I HATE IT) but atleast my fdad doesnt like it either so that helped:P then dad showed us video of the devils pool waterwall: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6HDLUCXOpDo so were all having fun, then seran puts on mistletoe by justin beiber again, its so messed up how he loves it and me not. then moms like it reminds me of: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V1bFr2SWP1I i love that guy!!! <3 and then sean was holding his iphone by the case with 1 finger and dad yells right away saying that you dont holdit like that cuase you can srop it and it will break,t en one day your gonna come c me and say daddy myphone broke. then after that seans like ok, but you dont ahve to raise your voice at me (im like wow good for you sean for saying how you feel) and dads like yes i ahve to cause your doing something stupid (too bad he doesnt care what you ahve to say) and continues to yell so i get up put dishes away and leave to my room to liten to music and blog.. iv realized iv been bloocking stuff out a lot...:S

-nessa

ball of emotions

first of all i really like how were all writting on here... and its thanks to julia that were back on here again:P it just seems more meaningfull pourring out our emotions on here and being 3 people to do it.. thought id mention that:)
So this weekend swimming went great! i had lamost 2 min left after my time swim and had a good review class:D after swimming went babysitting and oh my god i looove their dog! cant get over how cute he is<3
so last friday after schooli went straight over to Jeremy's.i get there and after taaking forever to change and stuff then we obv head to the basement. then were just in the dark him asking me what i want to do. i did my pont and then kicked back while feet on couch thing and it was cool cuz i was able to do it twice and havent done that in a good month:P so were just chilling there and im bored. hes dead tired cauz he didnt sleep at allt he night befor. he told me that he hada lot of work to do. i frst asked him how hes doing, he said always good, then i asked what his fb status was about ( FML, i saw the coments said: hw? he said no) soim trying to figure out what that was and he didnt want to tell me. i asked a couple times in different ways, tryed to guess but he never answered -.- it really bugs me cause something is obvsiouly going on in his life and he doesnt want to tell me. he shud be able to tell his gf anything, and its been 4 months, so were stalking to get to know eachother so im sure he can tell me some stuff... i dont think its too much to ask for,is it? so at one point me being bored and not wanting towatcha movie and then just makeout, asked if he had any board games, cause i rememberedin the cross room there being some. so i get up and then we fight him holding me back cuzhe didnt want me to go get one.i eventually go and start looking around, he turnedon the light and then im looking at movies and his mom called, he asked me what i want from subways, and me being picky said nothing ( i dont wanna cuase trouble and donno what i like from there, been so long) and hes like u sure ? 10 billion times and im like yeah im not hungry but obv am:P then i keep looking, i lookat games and he just leaves to go in other room im like aight, then i didnt find anything interresing and i organised some of his movies me being a freak and then go back and find him. then im like show me ur italy pics! the ones from months agoand hes like uunnn and im like k wheres ur cat?hes like sleeping, and im like k im going to find him. so i get up look in kitchen and main floor then he comes up and then hes like u relly want him tocome? im like yeah so he gets food out adn cats comes right away:P Jseemed so zombie then:/ tehn him his mom and sister Del all eat im just awks there with cat till Caramel leaves me. hsisisters really nice:) never spent that muhc time with her:) then i asked j if we cud watch the 8count cd of last show cuzi miis it and his ssiter saw it in his hand asking what he was doing with it and im like ohi wanna watch it if u dont mind, shes like yeah sure! so we go downtstais and watch it. i was really into it and funnt enough was being very quuite but saying so much in my head, commeting onthe dnaces:P then he leaves for a bit who knows where and i continue watcing,he gets back and he fell alseep (i thnk) cuz his breathing changed and his arm got like heavy:p then show over so then i get movie and put it in. santa clause 1<3 i was nejoying it so much!!!! then we started making out then mom calls and i was like ehah u can come now, cuz he was going ot have to b soon, then she comes and i go. then im just thinking about Jeremy... like with him, hes not ''crazy'' like me, he doesnt seem to appreciate my ways, he doesnt talk or open up to me, it just seems like all he wants to do is makeout, he cant seem to organise us doing anything but watching movies and kissing in his basement, and like right there it seems like i wana break up with him, but that thought scares me, i dont wanna lose him... its so weird:/ he doesnt seem to care enough about me... and like most of the time if i dont text him he wont text back( even when he takes forefver he still does). he will when its like 5 am and his bored then says he misses me. and like iv realized what a difference it makes when you answer right away! like with alex he asnwers normal, fast so we can talk, but j it will take hours just to say hey how r ya, how was ur day stuff like that, small stuff... and like id ont have nay pics of him, or me adn him... we dont go out, i dont mett his freinds... he doesnt even talk mucha bout them.... arrrrgg
so now i realize that i pretty much wrote all negative things, truth is there are good ones, good thigns i liek about him, (ovs or else i wud break up with ihm)

and now its almost 12 and shcool tmrw but i wanna write more but shud go sleep

-nessa

ps illw rite more later

um

I hate it when people say don't sink down to their level. I believe that it is completely justifiable to do what the other person does to prove a point. Obviously, there are limits, but if the situation is correct and you can't seem to make a point with words, you need to make a point with action. You don't just sit there and take it when it's killing you inside, you fight back.

Gah, I can't give you guys this advice because you're usually at a loss of words when the other person comes out with a come back -.- and then, you just look like the wrong one because you don't have anything to say. I can completely justify why not talking to your sisters isn't immature, but I don't know if you can yourself.

Please, enlighten me on how else to make a point when you can't get to a person with words? Action is all that is left. Unless, that is, you want the situation to continue as is.

-Eka

aaaarrrggg!!!!!!!

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I cantt believe it! when i try talking to people in my family about how i feel my dad says to not talk about it emily says she never doesnt listen to me sara says ''maybe no one listens to you cause every time you talk you say no one listens to you''. and my dad just keeps on telling me to stop talking about it cause itll just bring on an argument, my mom is saying that i should just drop it and that im just trying to get myself upset. when i mention that they make me feel inferior they ask for an example i say that ''emily you always say that this or that is stupid'' and then she says ''thats cause i do think its stupid'' and says that im pathetic for bringing this up. I give example that no one listen to me and they all just say that im thinking this cause im sixteen and im a teenager so its normal that im acting like this. so this all ended im my tears and no one else seemed to care except for my dad. but for everyone else they just think im delusinal, sixteen, and that i exagerating! i can't stand this cause when i try and get my point across they say im pathetic!i hate this! at least ive stopped crying
-Sekoya

listen to me!

So today was my dad's birthday and it went quite well. i spent time with my dad cause while he was watching james bond and hockey i was doing my ligne du temps for history so we would talk. Preparing supper was long but went quite smoothly for once and then we brought him to see Tintin as part of his birthday present. The rest of his present is also his christmas present. when we are in labelle or new years we are gonna bring him to the scandinave spa and have him get the same swedish thingie with baths and massage and other stuff we gave him last time. we will come with him but we'll just stay in the baths.
so after the movie we were talking and my sisters were cutting me off, saying snide comments, and mmaking me feel stupid. everytime i would say something they would eitheor cut me off or look at me funy to whatever i said or say (if i was asking a question) that it was stupid. it was getting annoying. when we got home we started putting candles on my dads cake. I went to get my dads camera and then i was looking for saras camera and sara and emily were asking ''what are you doing?'' emily even said at the end when i came to the table with only my dads camera ''geez julia why do you have to be so selfish you can look for whatever you are looking for later'' i was mad and amazed that every time i told them what i was doing they didn't listen! then i got to the table and i was pissed of and we had a few exchanges of angry words until i realized i should stop cause dad wouldn't want us arguing. so i did the first thing i thougt of and closed my eyes and took deep breaths until i calmed down. when i opened my eyes francesco ws looking at me pitifully so i guess he had understood why i was mad and when i met eyes with my dad he looked at me like he knew too. I was releived to know that at least francesco and my dad had been listening i just wish they would have defended me when sara and emily were being so annoying but i guess francesco would've gotten in trouble with emily and my dad would've had to deal with sara and emily upset with him. so i guess it was okay that it ended there and that i controlled my anger it was just difficult cause they persisted. They were thanking mom for the cake and i kept on saying '' i made it! not mom!'' but they never heard me and my mom didn't deny it. but my dad and francesco each said that the cake was good to me. it was amazing how they just didn't hear me! all day they were like this whenever i would tell them something i would see there attenton shift to something else. i was being totally ignored! They treat me like im inferior to them and they never listen to me! arg!
-Sekoya

dad part 1

so today my dad is DJing. He's at home waitting for this new guy Jason to come and help him out. He meet him threw JS a guy thats been working for my dad since i was born. So he meet this guy once, and hes never DJed bfor. So he was supposed to be here for 12, and its 1:15, and hes still not here:S nice first impression hein? :3 So i had math school this morning then on the way home get la belle province then get home. We get in and my dad was unloading the dishwasher and i could tell he was a lil upset, like he was frustrated but before. So then im eating and i dont even have time to watch my show cause this argument starts. So here's the deal, my momhad asked Sean (brother) to bring out Charlie for a walk. She said get ready them bring him out. So Sean had spent morning sleeping eating and watching TV. Then he was going to go take a shower then my dad said no, go bring the dog out now! cuz he still hadnt.then we get home and seans still home (btw it was around 12 he asked sean to bring out the dog). so Sean had been in the bathroom for a while, and while he was in there my dad had told him to hurry up and bring the dog out fast! So then when were home, dad after starts screaming at Sean. Then sean was being stupid and saying you asked me would you like to bring the dog out? and not go bring the dog out. Then obviously dad got even more mad, cause respect means everything to my dad and sean talking back gets dad over mad. Dad was saying next time you fight me on bringing out the dog and stalling( so basically sean not doing it the minute he says) im going to take something away from you and i wont tell you what. dad was just going on and on, screaming at sean and he barely said anything back. Sean was ready to bring the dog out. Dads like your not even ready, seans ike yes i am, hes like no, u dont have your coat on and the dog and ur not out the door. Then sean got jacket and boots on and stuff. At one point he said that even i always fight him and kept talking. im bursting inside cuz im pissed off at him. K, so ya, i used to fight him a lot and b like later or seomthing, cause he would ask me and want it done that minute, for me to stop right away what ever i was doing cause im just a kid so who the fuck cares about what im doing? and he would yell blablabla. That was years ago!-.- and he brings it up now? i dont think so-.- hes like you dont respect me to do it wehn i say, its not a lkac of communication, its a lack of respect. Then sean leaves, and dads in kitchen and says it again, i going to disconnect the tv downstairs, bring the cable somewhere else, in our room (to my mom). and hes like again you guys always fight me blabla and i said when was the lasst time that i fought you on bringing out the dog?? and he couldnt answer that he goes on computer. then he says again bout th tv, and im like why would you do that?? and OH he said you guys spend all your time downthere. i answered i only watch tv once twice if im lucky downtthere! at one point i said: when we were yougn ya we spent our whole sat mornings downthere but that was in primaire! and i said whats wrong with sean watching tv downthere in the mornign?? AAARRGG my dads so stupid. sure to you guys you rpob think i get mad at him for nothing and i should just calm down, but i cant. I HATE WHEN HE JUDGES ME! he never has anything good to say. and one point mom was like we could set bounderies for when sean watching tv and dad totally rejects that idea-.- he only uses old arguments and like saying if you dont do thisor do this then im going to take away soemthing, my god! am i 8? no! dont treat me like i am! and mom, she thinks im so young too-.- like her asking me to stop saying the word shit, cuz im moves like jagger he says it, and im just singing along and that bugged her. god-.- soemtimes i feel like doing all the stuff they dont want me to and dont think i ever would. getting drunk, not interresting in drugs, but do whatever the hell they dont want me to. swear my head off. k, when i told my mom the whole story bout the drunk guys at school she was totaly shocked and like oh my god how could they do that? and the way she judges too, being like trouble makers makes me laugh so muchXD it jsut really pisses me off peeps judging me, saying stuff thats in the past. BITCH NO I DONT LIVE IN MY PAST ANYONE im moving on so leave the old stuff behind
whatevs, parents suck and i have to get ready for swimming but ill write more bout stupid parents later, tell a lil story bout how they have always been

slush with skittles drinker
ps i gotta find new nickname:P its too long to write

Mom,

I love you. Doesn't mean I can't get upset with you.

-Eka

What is this fuckery?

My mom can get me so pissed off at times. I understand that she hates her job and she's been getting home really late soon, but that is not a good enough reason to come home, complain about how we didn't wait to eat supper with you. When you called to say that you were going shopping for a bit and come home at 8pm, you expect us to have waited for you for supper? You didn't ask, you just say "It would've been nice if you waited to eat with me." when you walk in. Atleast supper is ready for you on the table, appreciate the little things please. We weren't about to starve ourselves for you so you could go shopping. So, then you're pissed at us, so you do the most childish thing ever, you grab your freaking iPad, turn your back to us & eat your READY-MADE supper. After ignoring us for 30 minutes, you get up and announce "I guess I'm not wanted here. I'm going upstairs." Then, because I know you'll be even more pissed off if I don't stop you (because honestly, no one wants you around when you're like this.), I say "No, come watch X Factor with us." So, she sighs like this is a pain in the ass to come sit with us and she asks me how my day was. I say, "It was fun." and I start explaining everything. After I'm done, she says "That sounds nice.." and then, under her breath, "Enjoy the fun while it lasts." -.- She complains and complains and complains and she doesn't acknowledge anything she does have. She starts saying "I'm miserable, I'm going to quit." Dude, you quit, you do realize that until you find another job, my dad will need to work his butt off? You're so inconsiderate. If you want to quit, start searching for another job before, you have a family to help support. Then, she starts swearing at everything that's happening on TV and I just want to tell her to shut up. She started bad mouthing Nicole (judge on the X Factor) who yes, made a huuuuge mistake, but holy fuck, I lost it. I raised my voice and told her "Yes, Nicole made a huge mistake, but don't we all? She was under pressure and her reaction was totally and completely human. As YOU've said before, when your in the moment, the adrenaline gets to you and you never know what you will do. Every one of us messes up. Every one of us goes against morals at some point. Have you never gone against your morals, please do share. You are now calling the judge in tears a bitch? Are you serious? Can you not see she's broken? Would you like a full crowd of people and people worldwide booing you for one mistake. No? I didn't think so." I completely shut her up. She had nothing to say. She just told me that her keeping her job is against her morals. She didn't object me, she didn't give me shit... She then proceeded to change the subject like everything's alright, once she's gotten everyone else in the room pissed off. I despise when she does this. She then asks the most stupid question of all, "So do you guys really want to celebrate Christmas or not?" OUT OF NO WHERE. "I just feel like I'm the only one who cares about family." Oh, you're no fucking saint. Shut your trap. YOU ALWAYS THINK IM TH ONE WHO HAS ISSUES, WHO HAS A PROBLEM, WELL GUESS WHAT, YOU'RE PRETTY FUCKED AS WELL, CONGRATULATIONS. I always remind you that I love you, how much I care and every time, after a month, it's like you don't believe it anymore and you have to guilt trip me. You are a fucking kid and I can't always deal with that. I try as hard as I can, but you need to grow up. Daddy just asked you to come sit next to him and you, like the ass hole you're being, said "It's getting late." WHO THE HELL ASKED YOU? You're lucky that he came to sit by you instead while you sulk like a toddler. I can't even stand to look at you when you're like this. Whenever you're in a bad mood, you make everyone else fucking unhappy. Stop being a kid, I have no sympathy for you when you're like this. Whiny. You told me when I was 5 that whining was annoying... Guess what? It still is when you do it. So stop.

Now, obviously you've gone back to normal and you're sucking up to me with singing lessons. You're such a child. I'll take it for now because you actually sound sincere about it. Ah fuck off. How dare you tell my dad: "You might as well be single because we never see eachother." Stop making him feel guilty. It gets to him. It doesn't get to me. Not anymore. Done with your mind games. And do not blame how you act on your job, you've always been like this. That's why daddy left.

I feel like I'm the oldest in this family sometimes.

-Eka
Letting out feelings while the events are happening feels pretty great. Not as mad anymore!

YAY

I FIXED THE TIMEZONE. THE POSTS OFFICIALLY SAY THE RIGHT TIME! :D

-Eka

you always hurt the ones you love

I really don't understand Arièle! I've come to understand that im never the core of whats making her upset she just acts out on me when shes mad at someone else and doesn't seem to notice tha she's being very cold towards me. Just today she was getting all worked up about the trainer guy from musculation because she felt that he was trying to make her feel stupid by pointing out what arièle was doing wrong. she got really upset about and wa being really rude to me in the process while I just trying to say something to comfort her. She's also very inconsiderate of me. Its ridiculous how many time I have waited for her before taking the bus and she asks me to wait for her and she'll just go head of me and forget about me.
She's always giving up on things! She wasn't doing squats propely and so the trainer guy was trying to help her and now because she can't do squats she doesn't like musculion and wants to miss next class just because of one thing! she gives up! She didn't even want to participate when we where doing this other exercise. She's done this with volleyball too! almost every practice she'll end it saying im not doing it next year. Ans then she'll tell me that she doesn't like volleyball anymore. and this is after every practice that doesn't go well for her. She also decieded not to go on the exchange to new- zealand because she didn't want to have to work for all the fundraising. It was my dad who mentioned that ariele doesn't commit and he's the one who pulled out those examples a ittl whie ago. She never considers how i feel about her attidude and she almost never does anything for me!
today my computer was losing its batery so i told arièle to get off my computer when i noticed and she said wait a sec so i did but then she stared checking her mesages and i was like you can go on facebook on yyour computer. I was annoyed cuse she knew mycomputer was dying and i said that i wanted it to last for history and she still didn't give back to me while she was on facebook! My dad told me that whenever she's in one of those moods I should just let her go because she argues with eerything you say even if it isn't something you were planning on arguing about. it happened in the car and i was gonna reply to wat she said but my dad put his hand on my arm to have me not argue back aand it was good h did that cause arièle got to have the lat word of the nonexisting argument.
whenever i call her about school or even when i call her cause i wanna talk cause something came up she'll always say sorry julia i can't talk i have to study. I was once almost crying when i called her and she said that she'll call me back! when i try telling her this she denies it so i don't know what to do
but on the other hand. I'm arièle best and only friend and she has a lot going on so as zoe and my dad say she lets it out on me cause she knows she can. and when arièles not worrying about school or her ''friends'' she's great and we have a great relationship but i guess my dads right when he says you always hurt the ones you love.

New Blogs

Helloooo! I made two new blogs on this account; one for music & one for my stories! Just wanted to let you know :)

-Eka

swimming and front:D

So today started off bad: i had to wake up-.- then get driven to school. morning pretty boring, had french and mandarin but then gymnastics in gym class! i tryed doing front just on the tumbeltrack and landed on my feet!!! then i tryed off tumbeltrack onto the mat at the end which iv never been able to do, iv always fallen ont he red part of it:/ then i tryed first time i simply fall on but but actuallyont e matt!! then i try again and then i got it! i landed on my feet! i freak out!!! then was science a intence class. lunch time!!!! math and then finally got home!! i started doing math but then chris( from chatroulette) says hi and i was like ahh so i say hi back. then started this whole convo, he told me about his ex, they dated 3 years and she broke up 2 months ago and now shes crawling back then he gives her chance and she like doesnt take it... its soo confusing and hes broken cuz of his fam and her. he reminded me of alex in some ways, how they r both hurting...
then super came and then i went swimming at 8:30! my mom came and she counted my laps and counted the time. there were opther people in my lane, in my way.... but i ended up doing 26 laps in 14:30 min, and thats including time i asked mom wuestion and had people on the end of the lane in my way...:P so yaa im really proud of me!!:D after that i went on the bleachers and watched the water polo guys in speedosXD swim:) one awks moment when 1 guys speedo was sliding down:P anyways, but ya it was fun checking the cute ones out and being stared at by most cuz only girl on that side:P adn then going back doing more laps cuz i had more energy! and oh yaa when i first finished my timed swim then this lifeguard coems to my mom and says coaches are not allowed here now, and we start laughing our heads off!! my mom was timming me and counting my laps. then after when im donw lifeguard comes and says your not allowed to coach here... we start laughing our heads off!!! saying shes not a coachXD then after supervirsor comes and says some thing and were still laughing from b4 and we tell her the same thing:P i cant get over they thought my mom was a coachXD
so yeah pretty entertainning! then i get back home i feel sooo AMAZING like i could ahve donw anything and noe one could ahve stopped me!:P then i looked at the whole status thing on fb that gaby wanted me to check out:P it was about micheal f being really stupid and he is homophobic!

anyways i g2g bed:/ im sooo awake though:S


-slushies

How Do You Feel About Me: Erika

Hi again. So this is part of my "rehabilatation" process... hahaha. Just trying to piece myself together as much as I can and I think it would help me lots if you'd do this for me.

It's pretty simple. Whenever, you think of something I've done for you, what you love about me, what you find inspiring about me, why I'm important to you, how much I mean to you or even just pointing out a time I made you smile, etc; can you girls just comment on this post? I think I need to be reminded just how much I'm loved and I kind of need you to help me.. :$

It would mean so much, you don't even know.
Thank you! -xx-

-Eka

something new...

So today i went an a art outing to the cine robotheque and it was a blast!!! i might wanna go for my bday party:P
then bus back to school. from school bus back home and in the 201 aude sat bside me. Then she said i feel bad for you, your brother follows you everywhere! and im nahh now this is normal. then brother comes in bus and i say he can sit beside me. then he makes me liten to a song, it was criminal by britney spears. he loves that song because theres a lot of flute in it and he plays and loves the flute.then i say outloud that he listening to it. After aude is like u listen to that?? and shes wispering things in my ear (i was between them) and saying hes weird, u have better music ( i listen to the same thing-.-) and i forget what else. then after the whole gang is in the bus and they r all laughing and freaking out that helistens to that. i defend him but didnt work out to well. then blast simple plan ( shut up) till i cant hear them. at one point i hear them talking about ipod, what year he got it, and im like whaaat, so i listen then they r just tring to convince him that one gives you cancer, u need to go see peeps that work at appple to get a new one. and i was fed up with their bullshit, i write on phone: please ignore them, and then sean does :) he was asking aude if she wanted to come cuz dad picking us up early cuz it was rainning adn im like no blbala i didnt wanna c her face. i get up early to get away then when off bus im pissed, way more then Sean...
we get home, make videos for parents christmas present and i know i must sound horrible but its the thought that counts:P
after supper i finish watching the video we saw at the art musiem. it was on mashupsand copy rights and stuff.:
http://www.onf.ca/film/RiP_remix_manifesto
then after watching it i discuss a lil with my mom, dad in same room about it. im for girl talk to me able to mashup songs, and not ahve to pay for the copywrite. we spend a hour talking about it and dad was lecturing me saying the same old arguments adn tring to teach me that im wroung.after that sean goes to bed and he yells at him and tells him to bring down his laptop for the night and that from now on i have to keep my laptop downtairs, cuz not enough thay they turn off internet now it has to be far away -.- im super pissed at that now.... its like really? im bring treated young... like i cant stay up till when i want, i cant go on internet past after they go to bed, now ya hide laptopt downstairs-.- i wont bring it to school tmrw unless mom reminds me to cuz i told her id forget it and i want them to learn that it shud stay in my room....
so then after that i go to seans room since we came up together and im about to pull out my hair then he starts laughing cuz im funny when mad. after i cudnt take it went to take a shower and for first time really cryed in the shower.. so discored perfect palce to cry for 3 reasons! 1: u can hear me crying 2: i dont need klenex s 3: tears look like water 4: if it looks like i was crying i can say i got soap in my eyes :) after the shower i got out and starting singing and smiling to the music. then in bed just started blogging and Blanche asks me to call, so i did and she just told me something good bout her dad and startingn babling. So i find me being able to smile now even after that scary shower and be able to take care of b b4 me is how im strong! there i said it and meen it, i am kinda strong:D so thats pretty much where im at! now imma clsoe this and bring it downstaitrs-.- and read or something:) goodnight!

-Slush with Skittles Drinker-

Haven't Actually Written Here In Ages

Hello! I'm taking a break from history to write on here. I commented on a few posts so make sure to check hehe, and I just wanted to write about whatever on her for a good 30 minutes.

"It's like I'm finally awake and you're just a beautiful mistake."-Taken by One Direction.

"All this time I was wasting hoping that you would come around, I've been giving out chances and every time, all you do is let me down." -You're Not Sorry by TSwift

"I guess you really did it this time, left yourself in your warpath. Lost your balance on a tightrope, lost your mind tryin' to get it back. [...]Wasn't it beautiful when you believed in everything and everybody believed in you? [...]Oh, who you are is not where you've been. You're still an innocent. [...]
Every one of us has messed up too. Lives change like the weather. I hope you remember, today is never too late to be brand new." -Innocent by TSwift

This Saturday, I was listening to Taylor Swift all day and it pretty much hit me. What the hell am I doing? Why am I running after a boy who doesn't make an effort? What happened to me? Who am I? I just don't know how I let it get to this point. I'm pretty decided and I'm giving the boy one more chance- already too many, but this is the last. If he bails again, well, goodbye, it was nice knowing you. Make the effort to talk to me and keep in touch and then, we'll see what happens. All I know is I'm giving you one more chance. If you want another, you better be on your damn knees. I'm tired of being the one that asks you to do something and I'm tired of being the one who texts first 85% of the time. You want me in your life. Prove it, I dare you, because I`m going to walk away and I won't be looking back. I'll turn the page and start a new chapter. I'm sick of this and if you don't hold me back, I'll be gone forever. Enough is enough, I'm in control again.

I think I'll end it here for today. I need to study a bit more.

Okay, I love you girls!
xoxo
Gossip Cow

-Eka

End bullying.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TdkNn3Ei-Lg

-Eka

Um for some reason I can't comment so: yes it was... So incredible
-Eka

new friend

so yesterday night Julia came and slept over! i ahd a blast! <3 and we went on chatroulette cause she wanted me to show her what it was. we met this guy that i added on skype and hes 16. today iv been chatting with him more and it seems like he appreciates my ways of living and being then Jeremy does. Like i dont know this guy but i sure wish i did... so ex i tell him im watching barnie and hes saying im pretty cool, i tell J and hes likeumm thats odd... i tell The other guy Chris that im making a snowman andhe said he wants to c it after:P its kinda like there r good people out there and its like J isnt eactly what i want and ill prob end up breaking up with him cuz i deserve way better then him... but knowing that people like chris, he seems just so much groovy ;) in every way then J..
like im talking with Chris and it sounds stupid cuz i dont know him, but hes funny and listens and likes my presence... he seems different.. and hes broken but opens up, prob cuz im just a random girl in canada but still... and he doesnt drink or smoke or anything although all his friends do.
i had such a fun time on chatroulette with this guy!!! he was making the best facial expressions everr!!!!
and another part, hes really cute:P
and im predicting imma like this guy even more within time...
i really dont get whats Js deal. like if hes not gonna try to get to know me and share his life then we hus djust break up, but its hard to juge that cuz we barely see each other...
anyways that was a weird train of thought pretty messed up but imma go take a shower now:P

-Slush with skittles drinker

im scared...

Well i did enjoy the congrès at some points but not all of it however the whole idea of it got me thinking more about what i want to do.
I,ve known since i was vey little that I wanted to become an actress and that's what im set on doing as a job. I want to go to john abbott in the acting program and start off from there. Obvioulsly the complication number one steps in when it comes to getting into the school. I'm worried about the fact that i don't have a good idea of what im up against and I'm worried that im not good. Not being good is actually what im most worried about because having my family and friends say im a good actor isn't reassuring because these people have a personal relationship with me. I never get any constructive critisisum from anyone so i don't know what im doing good or what im doing bad and how to correct it. I'm stepping into the unknown with no one to tell me where to go. thank god ive got my family and friends for support or else i wouldnt know what i would do. I'm happy that I'm gonna see the Improv. show at elyses school cause that'll probably give me an idea of how these kids are a other schools.
I'm also frustrated cause i don't have the oppurtutnity to act with people who are better thn me cause im always with the sec 1s so i nver have an example to follow. I just follow my instinct and hope that my acting is good. I can't see an improvement in me cause i don't know how to set a goal since I just try my best to interpret charaters and act acordingly. I know im good at volley cause i've been able to see how ive improved over the years just by the fact tha i can always get my overhand serve and i an know do strong smashes now. I don't see in what im improving or if im improving at all when it comes to acting.
I'm afraid to not be accepted in the program because it'll be hard to know what i need to work on unless they straigt out tell me and it'll be disapointing to find out that even if i did try my best with no real directives I wasn't good enough. I dont know if i have any talent in acting cause i have no one to compare my self to! I'll just have to do my best and hope i won't have to deal with to much disapointment. im scared but it won't stop me
posted at 5pm
-Sekoya

a different perspective...

well being silent for a whole day was obviously a challenge since i love to talk. but there were still a bunch of things that happened that i knew would be a challenge i just hadn't actually lived them.
The point of the Vow of silence is pretty much to raise awareness and become more empathetic to the children around the world that can't freely speak up for them selves and that dont have the same oppurtunities as us. Doing the vow silent really did make me see things in a different way so i guess the idea of the day is a pretty good one.
I noticed that different people will react in a different way to you being silent. At guides I got a lot of ''oh that's really cool! You should talk about it to the girls next week'' from the leaders so they thought of it in a very positive way.

At guides we were making crafts so at my station with my friend Chelsea we were making snowmen on a kind of fat popsicle sick. I noticed that when interacting with the brownies (ages:7,8,9) i didnt need words. When one girl was looking around to find something to decorate her snowman with I grabbed the stickers and put them in front of her. I didn''t need to say anything. Whenever they were having difficulty glueing stuff on I would demonstrate how to do it and they would imitate me. When they finished there snowman they would come up to me and say '' im done! where do i put it?'' i would take there snowman and give them high five ad point them in the right direction of he next station. no words were necessary and they didnt seem to notice that I wasn't talking.
The guides (ages,10-12) noticed that i wasn't talking and they would say things like i won't clean up util you talk and they were all asking why i wasn't talking. By the end of the night half of my guides weren't talking cause they wanted to see how long they could do it for.

I also learnt yesterday all threw out the day that trying to tell someone something with hand gestures can become very challenging.
And I also wasn't able to defend myself properly. My voice is the thing I use the most often and it really comes in handy when i come to getting your point across.
People will also take advantage of you because you can't speak and they'll pretend they think you are trying to communicate something else so that what you gesturing is to there liking and they'll make fun of you and annoy cause they know you can't talk back. You lose power when your voice is gone and after living one day without my voice i realized how much power my voice brings me.
I was also surprised by the reaction vanessa got from her parents. I guess they just didnn't understand the challenge and the point of the vow of silence since they thought it was disrespecful to not speak. they disrespected vanessa and seans choice to be silent for one day for a good cause and i was surprised to see that opinion arise during the day. but i guess its just the perspective at what you look at something that'll make all the difference.
-posted at 4:35pm
-Sekoya