Monday, September 3, 2012

lalalala

Its odd...instead of listening to depressing songs I kind unintentionally landed on the happy ones...the song puts me in a better mood and reminds why I haven't just had enough of this crap with mitch


Heart On Fire - lyrics

I'm falling in, I'm falling down
I wanna begin but I don't know how
To let you know, how i'm feeling
I'm high on hope, I'm reeling

And I won't let you go, now you know
I've been crazy for you all this time
Kept it close, always hoping
With a heart on fire
A heart on fire
With a heart on fire
A heart on fire

Hand in hand, sparkling eyes
The days are bright and so are the nights
Cause when i'm with you, I'm grinning
Once I was through, but now i'm winning

No I won't let you go, now you know
I've been crazy for you all this time
I've kept it close, always hoping
With a heart on fire
A heart on fire
With a heart on fire
A heart on fire

...etc etc
Yeah and the songs like Give me Love by Ed Sheeran though I can't totally relate to them there are certain lines...

Give me love like never before,
'cause lately I've been craving more,
And it's been a while but I still feel the same,
Maybe I should let you go,
You know I'll fight my corner,
And that tonight I'll call ya,
After my blood is drowning in alcohol,
No I just wanna hold ya.

Give a little time to me or burn this out,
We'll play hide and seek to turn this around,
All I want is the taste that your lips allow,
My, my, my, my, oh give me love,



And I'm kinda in love with Say you like me by We the Kings
I wish my heart was always on her mind.
'Cause she's on mine like all day, all the time.
Forget me not, forget me now.
I’ve come too far to turn around.
I’m here tonight.

'Cause I'm never going down,
I'm never giving up.
I'm never gonna leave,
So put your hands up.
If you like me,
Then say you like me.
I'm never going down,
I'm never giving up.
I'm never gonna leave,
So put your hands up.
If you like me,
Then say you like me.





I can't help it and its so frustrating cause I just wish I didn't feel this way. well I only wish that if its not mutual...
cause I'm never going down, I'm never giving up. I'm never gonna leave. So put your hands up if you like me.
but then I remember all the hurt its causing me and it just plain sucks. cause i dont think he likes me. but i just need to hear it from him so I will  be able to do all that stuff the lyrics claims will never happen.
And I also realized that the beginning of We are never ever getting back together by Taylor Swift if funnily similar to my situation...
I remember when we broke up the first time
Saying, "This is it, I've had enough," 'cause like
We hadn't seen each other in a month
When you said you needed space. (What?)
Then you come around again and say
"Baby, I miss you and I swear I'm gonna change, trust me."
Remember how that lasted for a day?
I say, "I hate you," we break up, you call me, "I love you."

But I'm still not at the ''we are never ever ever getting back together'' part. I'm still working on that one. Maybe it'll happen faster if I actually SEE him!
haha anyways i do know that I'm really enjoying the song though :) I keep playing We are never ever getting back together and then i play Say you like me. very different but it boosts my mood :P

-Sekoya






I dont know what to call this...

I realize that i should maybe just be taking mitch not trying to communicate with me as a hint that he just doesnt want to be more than friends. I realize that, and I am taking it as that. however I'm not gonna settle for a ''hint''. If he feels that way he should tell it to my face. I know that I need that kind of closure if I want to move on if that is even the case which I think it might be even though I never set anything in stone cause I dont want to make assumptions. I'm really bad at not making assumptions but at least I want to end them by COMMUNICATING with him. I want to understand, i want an explanation, I need something to prove to me that he doesnt want me so I can move on with my life and stop dwelling on this mitch shit. I am not able to settle in my head on an assumption I made off of him not calling I need to talk to himm and hear from him so I can be sure of anything I think
 I'm so frustrated with the conversation I had with him cause it didnt make us move foward. I didnt even get to plan a date to see him! I have to wait it out until sunday and he might not even answer when i call then arg!
-Sekoya

bfdksbnc sdk...SIGH


Well I'm kinda very frustrated at the moment. and vanessa owes me a lollipop cause i bet her that mitch wouldn't have called me over the weekend and guess what? he didnt! i had kinda gotten my hopes up so you guys all know what that does. Usually  i would call one of you guys or zoe or elyse but im just trying to deal with this moment on my own  to see how it goes.
im itching to call one of you but im gonna try to write it out this time and figure it out with out any help.
His Facebook does nothing but cause me more grief cause it makes it so easy for me make assumptions and it also shows me that he's got enough time to go on facebook but for some reason he cant seem to find the time to call me. I dont know what to think of all this but because i have to think of SOMETHING i try to come up with all the possibilities. i see him with girls and i try to figure from the picture if maybe he likes them. im always pleasantly surprised when i find out that the girl is someone else's girlfriend. then i also see these two girls constantly posting pics of them with him and other people and i just come up with all the possibilities because i dont have  ANY information whatsoever cause he doesnt freaking CALL me. I've thought that maybe he met this other girl through friends and now he likes her, so he's avoiding me cause he knows that he led me on. My brain doesn't shut up. Its constantly saying ''maybe this or maybe that'', ''maybe he thinks this or maybe he's thinking that'' And its so pointless cause I can never be sure of anything my over active imagination comes up with but my brain can't help  but come up with stuff cause its not getting any information.
I want to call him. I dont want to call him. i dont know if i should. I am really pissed off but i also feel that the only way to move foward is to see him. its just that im worried that he wont answer and then what? 
I keep eyeing the phone considering...should i call him? but then i just think of calling one of my riends so they can answer the question for me. I want to call him cause i want to see him.I think I'll call him. this would be a huge step if i call him without calling any of you guys first. my heart beat is increasing so i guess thats a sign that im considering it even more than before. I keep on asking my self but ''what if he doesnt answer?'' well i guess ill have to try to find out. but again like i said,   it feels weird to call him without talking to any one else before. i havent even spoken to my sisters. like you guys know i wanted to call him today but usually i call you guys first. o my god just call him already aaaahh okay im gonna do it cause i obviously cant count on him to call me
oh my god please answr please answer
shit my heart is spazzign
its dialeed
now i have to press tlak
shit ahit ahit im freaking out
im trying to calm myself down maybe lost in the echo will help
aaah it kinda is
i love linkin park

Shinoda:
(Yeah) (yo)
You were that foundation
Never gonna be another one, no.
I followed, so taken
So conditioned I could never let go
Then sorrow, then sickness
Then the shock when you flip it on me
So hollow, so vicious
So afraid I couldn't let myself see
That I could never be held
Back up, no, I'll hold myself.
Check the rep, yep you know mine well
Forget the rest, let them know my hell
There and back, yet my soul ain't sell
Keep respect up, the best they fell
Let the the rest be the tale they tell
That I was there saying...

(Chorus)
Chester:
And these promises broken,
Deep below
Each word gets lost in the echo
So one last lie I can see through
This time I finally let you
Go, go, go.

Shinoda:
Test my will, test my heart
Let me tell you how the odds gonna stack up
Y'all go hard, I go smart
How's it working out for y'all in the back, huh?
I've seen that frustration
Been crossed and lost and told no
And I've come back, unshaken
Let down I've lived and let go
So you can let it be known
I don't hold back, I hold my own
I can't be mapped, I can't be cloned
I can't C-flat, it aint my tone
I can't fall back, I came too far
Hold myself up and love my scars
Let the bells ring wherever they are
Cause I was there saying...

(Chorus)
Chester:
And these promises broken,
Deep below
Each word gets lost in the echo
So one last lie I can see through
This time I finally let you go!
Go, go, go.

Shinoda:
No, you can tell 'em all now
I don't back up, I don't back down
I don't fold up, and I don't bow
I don't roll over, don't know how
I don't care where the enemies are
Can't be stopped, all I know, Go Hard!
Won't forget how I got this far
And every time, saying...

(Chorus)
Chester:
And these promises broken,
Deep below
Each word gets lost in the echo
So one last lie I can see through
This time I finally let you
Go, go, go. (Go, go, go)

BEST LYRICS EVER
BEST INSTRUMENTAL EVER

COME ON JULIA YOU CAN DO IT!

OKAY i called him! And I just got off the phone with him 
and i havent really gotten anywhere
we spoke for like half an hour but then he had to go cause his friends were gonna be coming over and he had to clean his room and what not and he said that he would call me later. greeeeaaat. *note the sarcasm*  actually im not even sure if he said call or talk
either ill be super happy and he'll call me tomorrow or he will just never call me and then i will do this all over again on sunday
now i will permit myself to call you peoples 

arg
im still stuck
and i dont even feel like calling you guys for reasons unknown to me
i feel like crap
i need to distract myself so lets watch awkward

Awkward was a good distraction
I still feel like crap though, but I'm trying to convince myself to be happy about other stuff
It's odd that I haven't called anyone...except vanessa to tell her she owes me a lollipop but I didn't even talk on the phone for long though it was an option. I don't know why I'm not calling anyone...maybe I'm just wanting to talk to you guys when I'm out  this this moment purely based off emotion. Cause I always call you guys freaking out. maybe if I call you guys after I'm done freaking out I'll feel better about myself. Like proof that I can handle things without immediately calling you guys at the slightest change. I don'T know. but I do know I'm proud that I called im all on my own. 

He's just soooo frustrating and confusing! arg!
-Sekoya

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

mitchell...again!

so after skyping with erika i was suposed to go to sleep but instead i hid in arieles bathroom and messaged mitch. we just stopped, he wants to see me before we leave im guessing its cause he wants to talk to me about ya know...this can be good or bad news...im leaning towards bad news cause i now know a big reason behind his confusion and the last time he initiated plans it was to tell me he doesnt want to go out with me sooo deja vu dont ya think? anyways  the weekend after he kissed me he was at his friends 18th. i knew this and nadege, arieles sister informed me that she had asked him how it was going with him and me and he said he was confused. okay good. at least its the same story. only thing, later at the party mitch got wasted and confessed his love for this girl sasha that he's liked since highschool. shes dating someone else so didnt even care.he could have just been drunk but still. anyways so i guess hes torn between two girls. one wwho he actually likes and one who likes him. nadeges advice is that i ditch him cause she was in a situation where the guy liked her and another girl and it was very hurtful obviously. she understands though that this is easier said than done cause she didnt ditch the guy she had liked. she gets that giving up when there is still hope is practically impossible when you have feelings for someone. yeeeea. so that sucks... well i dont know what mitchells desicion is or if he even has one but thats whats knew. even in knowlton i cant escape him! im kinda leaning towards no big time but obviously hope never leaves ya! im curious to know what erikas gut tells her...kinda scared though. ouff! mitch has definetly complicated my life or at least made it more exciting!
well im bracing myself but i dont think ill ever be prepared!
-Sekoya

Sunday, July 22, 2012

Six Feet Under The Stars

Travel log Friday, July 20th + Saturday, July 21st + Sunday, July 22nd (a lil past midnight) *keep in mind that Japan is 13 hours in advance & Singapore is 12 Montreal, QC  I just had the freak out of my life. I'm dead tired (because I slept less than 3 hours) so I closed my eyes while waiting at our gate for the Toronto flight & when I opened them, I was staring at the back of Felipe's head. Okay, so it wasn't him, but the resemblance from the back was so scary. I shat bricks. I was half asleep so it just shocked me more okayyy. Moka Cookie Crumble frappucino from Starbucks is incredible. It helped me wake up a bit.  - 1h30mins flight to Toronto- I'm such a loser, I made a take off playlist and took selfies in the plane. She Takes Me High by WTK was magical especially when we passed through the clouds... Followed by Six Feet Under The Stars. I'm just sitting here staring at the map on the screen eating pretzels and sipping Sprite thinking about how I really wanna go to Baltimore (home of all time low, Thames street & south broadway) one day... No I am not too obsessed with ATL. Shut up. Hahaha.  Toronto, ON  This guy at Toronto Pearson sounded exactly like the Asian dude from The Hangover. I was dying.  -12h30mins flight to Tokyo- Feels like I'm a minority on this flight, everyone's Japanese!!! Even the announcements are in Japanese first! 21 Jump Street. So fucking funny oh my god. I was dying in the plane. "But you brought us taco bell man." HAHAHA. And his voice cracks while saying it. Omg, replayed that part 6 times!!!! Super courteous Asian dude my age let me go to the bathroom first even if we got there at the same time, very nice of him. He was cute. 500 Days Of Summer<3... I find I'm like the main character :p a bit too much.. High School Musical. In a plane. How cool am I. Don't act like you don't know the words to the songs hahaha. Sang along the whole time..... Fell asleep for 30mins at the end of HSM & now I can't sleep anymore:( AND I keep farting:( lololol sad times. The airplane food isn't agreeing with me maybe? The Fault In Our Stars by John Green is fucking amazing so far. Quotes I like and felt like writing down: "Pain demands to be felt." "Sometimes people don't understand the promises they're making when they make them." "The weird thing about houses is that they almost always look like nothing is happening inside of them, even though they contain most of our lives. I wondered if that was sort of the point of architecture." I desperately wish for a plot twist like Augustus Waters ( boy in the book) in my life.... But I guess it'd only be fair if I were dying from terminal cancer.. Dammit! "Oh, I wouldn't mind, Hazel Grace. It would be a privilege to have my heart broken by you." crying omfg.  Tokyo, Japan  Um. Well, the flight here was really fun & passed by pretty fast! About 12 & a half hours down, about 6 & a half to go.. I think this flight to Sing is going to be a lot harder for me. I'm running on 3 hours of sleep & I've been up for almost 18hours now or something... Ahhhh. Going insane because it's afternoon here now. Anyway, I took a piss in Japan. Oh yes. I also bought a Japanese lemon drink & Japanese Hershey's. The chocolate is spicy.... Something is so wrong here. They've heated this airport and I am currently dying omg whyyyy. It's fucking hot. I'm gonna sleep at the gate for a bit, my head kills. Everyone's Asian, that's when you know you're not in Canada anymore. Ahajsisnd my head.  -6h30mins flight to Singapore- Boarded. This plane is a lot smaller, less leg room... That's just great ain't it? When I wanna sleep, suddenly the plane is so uncomfortable. Great. I read a bit. Couldnt stop moving to try to get comfortable, it was ridiculous. Finally passed out for a few hours with the help of my blanket, blindfold, ear plugs & head wrap around thing. Woke up. Accidentally made the decision to take meal A which is a Japanese meal... Little did we know that meal B was a hamburger! Wtf, it had some Japanese name on the menu & the jap one said shrimp with rice... It was horrible okay. The shrimp had EYES , their was some sort of fish egg in my plate and the noodles were so bad. I feel sick with it in front of me. Ugh , only thing that was good was the miso soup. That, tasted like back at home!  Anyway, I couldn't stop falling in and out of sleep and I swear, when you go on long plane rides, the amount of times I have to go take a piss is embarrassing! I mean, I don't know what it is, but the plane makes me pee more haha. I slept through the landing, I was out cold. My mom had to shake me awake! Singapore, Singapore Dead. Tired. Holy shit, I have never felt this tired in my whole entire life. Good thing it's midnight here now though, or else I'd have very very bad jetlag. Singapore customs go really fast, they're really organized so we were outta there really quick! I like it here already, I don't know. My aunt & Carl came to pick us up & we drove to their condo. We got to drive through the heart of Singapore, there's this giant ferris wheel in the middle of the city, the biggest I've ever seen & it was all lit up. So pretty. It was like I was high because I was so tired, everything was like whoaaa. The streets are so flawless, no pot holes & it's so clean here, no litter on the ground AT ALL. It's extremely illegal to litter. I find that great! Distribution of gum is also illegal here, but you're aloud to possess and have for personal use as long as you dispose of it properly! They act as if it's a drug here, frowned upon. Hahaha, love how different it is here, so much nicer than Montreal just because it's so pretty to look at no matter where you are<3 I got introduced to my room, which I adore , BY TH E WAY. It's my own and it's small and cozy and I have a nice sofa bed that's the comfiest sofa bed ever. I have access to the balcony from my room as well! And nobody can tell if I go out on it in the middle of the night, it makes no noise at all (so no one will hear me go out) and it's such a nice view. I took a shower and it was one of those rain showers, so awesome. I read The Fault In Our Stars & passed out a few chapters before the end... I could get used to this :) Love always, Eka

Friday, July 20, 2012

i dont know what to do!

hahaha at the moment my issue is trying to figure out  whether or not I should go to sleep cause I have to get up in 3 hours...
thats all! nothing more nothing less, nothing to do with mitchell! haha
See ya!
-Sekoya
P.S. sorry for this random useless post...:P

Thursday, July 19, 2012

interesting evening...

So I met up with Mitchell...
we biked down to Pointe-Claire village and walked down to the water where we started skipping stones. We talked...as usual its not very hard for me to hold a conversation with him. We also made an inukshuk that was funny. However i was not able to make myself  bring up the ''topic''. At like 8:30 we headed over on our bikes to his friends house. christopher
Christopher was nice and weird which made him pretty awesome. I didnt feel weird at all. Obviously when they would talk about the stupid stuff they did i would have as much to say cause my experiences would me kinda tame compared to falling off of moving trucks....hehe yeah
guys when they hang out eat  A LOT
i drank soooo much i had a big glass of water, then we made really weird lemonade with brown sugar...hehe and they later made themselves chicken sandwhiches, and then we made an apple drink, like grinded up apples with apple cider...weird also hehe
i had to go pee twice :P
around 11:20 we went on out bikes and they were gonna go see if i could get into clydes (a bar) but inn the end we didnt even try cause there were two bouncers at the doors
in the end we parted with christopher and me and mitchell headed home
when we got to my house i said:
''Um I kinda wanted to talk to you...but we could always just talk next time we see eachother''
''About what exactly...?'' he asked
''Um well pretty much about last week cause it's still not clear to me...'' I admitted
''Well I have time now'' he said
So I asked him just to be clear that it was that he doesnt think i could have a serious relationship it being my first. and he was like yeah cause hes gone out with girls whom it was their first relationship and...yeah
so i told him what i wanted to say i thought it was funny when i asked him
''If your not interested you just tell me and that'll be that''
''Oh believe me I am, I am interested'' he said
haha okaaay
I also mentioned
''Yeah you also wouldn't be able to move very quickly with me...''
''Yeah that is also a big factor'' he admmitted
BAM emily said no guy would ever admit that
well she has just been proven wrong!
I also told him
''I just want you to know what I think. I don't think I'll change your mind. I just wanted to say what I thought cause I didnt last time cause i was kinda shocked yea know''
''Well I'll think about'' he said
He said a lot that he is really confused and stupid
and that he's really confused hehe
''I'm really bad at girl stuff...'' he admitted
''Haha don't worry about it! I'm new to all this as you know so you could get away with pretty much everything!'' i said
He laughed :)
I asked him what his definition of a serious relationship after having said mine and he agreed with mine
The whole time I would talk he would say thngs like ''fair point'' and ''True true''
i told him how i think a first relationship can be a serious relationship. i mentioned how my sisters current boyfriends are their first hehe
and hoow i dont think you can know that about a person after having hung out with them like 4 times
how i dont even know myself if it would work and thats what i was trying to do. i like what im seeing and i want to see more. I'm just trying to get to know him
well anyways, i will be seeing him next week and  he'll be giving me linkin park songs on a usb
well it still very weird and obviously i still like him but ill just go with it for now. i still wanna hang out with him so i guess ill see how it goes...all of this cause the guys confused!
-Sekoya

Monday, July 16, 2012

Hi Julia

I'll call you tomorrow in the day. I'm so sorry, there's just a lot going on in my head AND now on my twitter.. A girl died in a mosh pit at warped in toronto, she was an All Time Low fan. It just hurts me as if I actually knew her. Rian, Jack & Alex tweeted about it too and totally killed me. Alex has been tweeting some intense poetic stuff like he used to, it's just making me appreciate life so much. If anyone says they don't care about their fans, they can go eat shit. They are the most wonderful human beings ever. And Alex is my everything. He's what keeps me going. He's my hero in every way possible.

-sigh-
I have too many emotions.
But no worries, despite recent events, I'm incredibly happy haha. This has just made me reevaluate stuff in my life.

Long live us.

-Eka

Sunday, July 15, 2012

he's making me fat too!


Bahaha yeees me and Elyse created this! YAY!
I think I'm going through the hysterical stage of this crap...cant stop laughing and getting upset

Friday, July 13, 2012

waaaaaat???

So these are the options I can come up with...
1- he's just not interested in me in that way and came up with that lame excuse (Nothing I can do)
2- or maybe he just honestly thinks that my first relationship couldnt be a serious one (I disagree with him)
3-or maybe he doesnt want to have a relationship with me cause I wouldnt be able to move quickly with him physically (I agree but once I'd be comfortable with that stuff  don't see the problem)

he said something on these lines...
''So last week when I kissed you...it was obviously your first ...right?
''yeeea''
''Well yea so that surprised me cause I had thought that you had had a boyfriend in the past...''
''Okaaay''
''So yea. I want a serious relationship. and I dont think you could have a serious relationship, it being your first."
''Huh?''
And then he tried explaining himself pretty badly mentioning how he thinks this from his past experiences, and how he's still like to see me if I want cause I'm fun to be around, and how he thinks I'm pretty and thats partly why he was surprised that I havnt had a boyfriend in the past and blah blah blah

So I want to talk to him again cause its not very clear to me...
Both Sara, Emily and Fred have serious relationships with their boyfriends and it was all their first
If he actually liked me he wouldnt care that I have no experience
Jason didnt care with Sara...
ARG! This is depressing...
I'm tired of being sad about this and its only been two days
I cried after he told me, I cried when Erika came over, I cried when I got back from Erikas and had to explain to my parents
I still can't let go cause its still unclear to me
If I had no hope it would be because it was clear
I know I cant change my mind but I want him to know how I feel about all this and I want to actually understand his reasons
A serious relationship to me is when you are COMMITTED  to the other person, you care for each other, you respect each other and trust each other
This is what I wanted and still want to eventually have with him. I believe I AM ready for that. Problem is he doesnt think so

I need ask him what he means by serious relationship.
I don't think I can change his mind about this but it won't stop me from trying to get my point across and  trying to fully understand his reasons
-Sekoya

Thursday, July 5, 2012

AAAAAAHHHH hihihihihih HOLY shitauki mushrooma I do NOT know how to spell that

wooooooaaaahhhhh
ahhhhh
omygoodnesss aaaaahhhh
okay so this is a recap of the night
he gets to the bus and we start talking blah blah bkah erika calls about her ear thing which i have to find we continue talking blah blah blah
the bus comes. we sit and i make a point of having my leg touching his
we talk blah blah
we get to fairview and wait for the 217 which comes late
we talk while waiting, we talk when the bus finally comes, the bus is really slow and there is an accident so it goes even slower
we finally get to the colisee around 7:45 and the movie started at 7:35 but it was fine we barely missed anything
i had one of those coupons for the colisee buy one general get the other free but you couldnt use it at the machines. so we selected two tickets and then he just had to pay for both cause the thing didnt have anything to scan the coupon obviously
so anyways we go in the movie theater find our spots sit down and again i make a point in sitting with my legs towards him
right near the begining he put his hand on his knee really close to my leg...as the movie went on his hand moved closer and closer till his whole hand was finally resting on my leg
like pretty much everytime he would laugh he would move his hand a little more onto my leg
when his whole hand was on my leg, he would make ciricles with his thumb on my leg i just about died
at this. during the whole movie i was trying to convince myself to lean on him, i was still not able to do it even when his whole hand was on my leg
what kinda convinced me was that i knew the end of the movie was approching and i was telling myself that if Mitchell had the guts to pull a move so did i
and i finally did lean on him and i rested my hand on his arm :P i was proud of myself cause my hand being there made it less friendly
when my head was on his shoulder i was melting inside cause he leaned his head on my head and his thumb was still stroking my leg and he felt so WARM i know its freakin random but it was so PERFECT god! i was very comfortable with my head their and i dont know but  it just had me grinning like an idiot while spiderman was being attacked!
after the movie we went to the front where they sell the tickets to ask if they could refund one of them with the coupon but they couldnt
while we were waiting someone poked me in the back and that someone wound up being elyse and megan who ran off giggling it was FUNNY
cause they KNEW obviously
yea mitchell didnt really seem to think they were weird but he DID say that two of my friends added him on facebook and poked him
hahahahaha i was like ''well i dont have facebook so I dont know...'' bahahaha FUNNY
then we went out of the movie theater on the hunt for an atm machine cause i needed change for the bus cause there were no more tickets on my opus card...
the subway couldnt help and double pizza was closed so we decided we would walk all the was to st charles and i kept on apologizing cause it was my fault and hes now stuck walking all the way to st charles but he insisted he honestly didnt mind cause he likes walking so we talked till we got to the st chalres/ brunswick
and there we went into the gas station and used the atm machine took out 20$ got the change from the guy at the cash
so i paid mitchell back and had my 3$ for the bus
we then waited for the bus. at this point it was like 11:15pm ANYWAYS  so the bus finally came and in the bus he had his hand touching my leg again, and a strand of my hair was floating around cause of the wind so he started teasing me about that
then we got out of the 201 at our stop which is at the library about a 15minute walk from my house
yea i was confused cause i thought we would just walk up st johns and then split but instead he insisted on walking me home and when we reached the side walk he put his arm around my waist and after a split second hesitation i put mine around his waist :)
this part was PRICELESS cause he had to keep stopping so he could pull up his pants cause they were falling off!!! this just made it all that much better! hehehhehehe
yeeeaaa and i was dying when his arm was around my waist cause it was just...aaaah i dont know! AGAIN i know this is random but hes so WARM i love it!
so yea when we were approching my street i said ''you really dont have to walk all the way back to my house, just continue when we reach my street''
He was shaking his head tisking at that suggestion ''no no no thats not an option''
I then said ''you really dont have to, like seriously how threatening does my street look. i think ill survive''
''The trees will eat you!'' he said
I laughed and said '' no! trees arre my friends!''
but he was still shaking his head as if my suggestion was completely stupid :)
When we arrived at my house he walked me all the way to y door and then we said good bye and hugged, then as we pulled away he kissed me. i just think i was in shock when this happened and then after a few nice kisses that i barely remember he pull me in for a hug again and said softly that he'll see me again soon :)
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah
so i think the night went better than expected :)
im still in shock
i was in total shock when i went in the house and even worse when he kissed me! bahaha
i cant believe it!
CRAZY
-Sekoya


Tuesday, July 3, 2012

Blah

I dont really know what to write here
my thought are kinda crazy... Mitchell...obviously
I just dont get it! why am i so not able to let it go! I know that i really like him and id be freaking depressed if he told me to my face to leave him alone but im not like obsessed with this kid...like id be able to move on if he outright ditched me...im not like head over heals in love with him
BUT i still cant seem to let this go! its been going on for 3 months! when will this end! When will i be like ''C'est assez la!'
There are these possibilies that zoe came up with that i had already pretty much thought/heard of
1- I'm in denial resulting in the fact that i actually am completly crazy about him (which i think is highly unlikely)
2- I like the idea of him and i dont want to let go of the ''what could have been''
even at number 2 it still doesnt fully answer my question cause then again why cant i let go of the what could have been? Is it just my personality?I DONT KNOW!
Am i obsessive oor just determined? I DONT KNOW!
Obviously a big obstacle is that i dont know how he feels or could feel
cause according to alex and others agree...i pretty much screwed up when i didnt react to his arm around my waist and then not pulling a move when we hung out again was also stupid on my part
soooo if i actually GET the chance to hang out with him again i lean on him or whatever
Cause sooooorryyy that i dont know nothing about flirting and soooorrry that i too much of a chicken to do anything!
im SCARED! of rejection! that he wont freakin like me! cause it hurts! arg! I'm terrrified everytime i call! that he wont answer or that hell make a quick excuse t get off the phone
and it happened last week! he didnt answer and then never called back
so why am i calling again???
oh yea and i know he was back for canada day cause  he wrote on facebook ''so whos going to the firworks in pointe-claire''
hes not INTRESTED!
and maybe he USED to be but hes making it awfully hard to regain
why cant i just let it go!!! whyyy
shouldnt i try to find someone who would fight as hard as i am? it didnt take him very long to give up after HE thought that I wasnt interested
hes definetly not acting like hes interested but im still trying
it didnt take him very lonng to give up! doesnt that tell me something about him?
arg
blah
i dont even know if this made sense!
-Sekoya


Friday, June 15, 2012

I can't sleep

I can't sleep and I haven't studied for history...uh oh!
Ugh I can't wait till school is over! then it won't matter if I can sleep or not!
I'm sooo dead
aaah poop.
My history stuff is sitting next to me on my bed but i think I'm gonna write in ma journal instead...poop poop poop poop. I'm so freakin LAZY! thats probably the only reason why I didnt study!
Sarah Young just told me to go to sleep on skype...haha I'VE TRIED!! IT DOESNT WORK!
Didnt take her much convincing since shes already talking about a new boy she likes!
ANYWAYS this is stupid
good bye!
-Sekoya

Friday, May 25, 2012

Hello

Well, I feel like writing this, so I'm going to go ahead & write it. As usual. Note: This is solely based on what I feel & what I observe. Excuse me please, it's currently 12:14am and I'm tired.

Vannie,
I don't even know how to explain this exactly, but I feel like you're slowly but surely turning into me... Yep, that must sound weird. But I'm just saying that around 2 years ago, I was in your place. Feeling horrible myself, but helping others instead. You know, I told you that one of the biggest things that makes me feel better about myself & my life is when I help other people. Julia was right about that one. Anyway, I don't know if you are aware, but I can see what you post on twitter and yes, I do check it sometimes. Lately, you've had posts where you write that you have no one to talk to or that you wish that someone would ask you if you were okay... Or how you feel bad. You post on twitter stuff which you should most likely be telling me or julia or any friend. I also don't know if you noticed this, but I've asked you to talk about what is bothering you specifically and anything on your mind. You answered me saying that things are fine, just stressed about school/passing exams blablabla. I would really like you to talk more about YOU.  Anything you, anything at all. I don't care if you think it's stupid, I'd still like to know. I am worried that you're concentrating too much on everyone else, but yourself. It's not the most ideal thing, I'll say that from experience. I love and respect the fact that you put your friends first, that's a very brave thing to do. But I would like to talk about stuff going on in your life, in your mind... MORE. Because again, if no one says anything, I will just continue talking (unless the world is crashing down around me like wednesday) and I find that you don't tell me things that much about your life at the moment because you obviously think I'm going through too much to handle anything else. But that's no good, that's not what I'd like, I don't want special treatment... I would like to be there for you just as much as you are for me. And I know life can suck just because, not for an easily explainable reason. Life can suck for the simple fact that it's just 'okay', I understand that. Please please understand that we are all aloud to feel sad, to feel depressed, to feel like utter shit for no reason at all!!! You don't need to have a 'good' reason, that doesn't matter at all. The fact of the matter is that something is bothering you, that something shouldn't be disregarded because bigger things are happening around you. Also, stop blaming yourself for things that you have no control over. Do not beat yourself up, it's not worth it. And for the mistakes you've made in the past... WHO CARES. We all make mistakes, it's what makes us learn, it's what makes us better people each day. As long as you don't move off to Turkey to live in a farmland with your husband that you married online who owns only a goat, I do not judge you for any 'mistakes' that you've made. Do not dwell on the past, rather, make your future what you find your past lacked. And we're in no rush, we're 15-16 years old, god dammit!!! This is just the beginning.

And you know why I'm so scared to tell feli? Not because I think I'll never have interest in anyone else or that no one else will have interest in me. Because I've never wanted to know someone more than I want to know him. Because I can't even imagine him saying yes. Because I think it would be too good to be true. Because I'm scared to even hope for a yes. Because I fear how I'll handle it if it's a no. I'm scared to let myself be happy, and you know what? That's why I have to do it. For myself, to learn one way or another... To let myself be happy. I need to learn to take my chances and hope for the best, something I've forgotten how to do. This is the beginning. Yes, he's everything to me right now, but one day, I'll look back on it and think that I was an idiot, that's just how life is I guess. It goes on & you should let go.

Here are things I think you should know at a time like this. Things that might need to be addressed and things that I don't say enough. They are all true.
1)I love you, quite a bit, more than nearly everything on this planet
2)I find you very beautiful (especially when you don't pack on the eyeliner hehe), you have big features  and I find they give you this glow and I really like your natural look, i guess that's why the makeup bothers me sometimes, because I find your natural beauty epic
3)I think that I have told you more than I have told anyone else
4)I have had many 'firsts' with you, new experiences that you usually get me into :) I always love it in the end too
5)I find that you are a lot wiser than I give you credit for
6)I think you underestimate your way with words. You have told me very smart things in the past. I am 100% sure that you have things figured out in your mind, it's just harder for you to get it into speech
7)I don't care what you say, you have potential for anything you set your mind to
8)I've always admired the way you think, the more optimistic side, it's something that I wish I could be, but I can't, so I act out against it
9)Stay strong, vannie. Life can be weird and cruel and unfair in the most subtle ways. But, I know in the end, it'll be worth it. Some way, some how... 'We're just trying to find some color in this black & white world.' The color will come, eventually :)

Anyway, I hope this was interesting and entertaining all at once.
Take from this what you will!

Love Always,
Eka

PS: one for you, julia, might be on the way, it's just late now tehe... and i had things to address for van lalala

Sunday, May 20, 2012

Roses (Cover) - The Maine

Perfect~
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j8uiPjrw25I&feature=player_embedded
Originally by OutKast :)
hahaha this song is awesome & john sings it amazingly (y)
"Real guys go for down to Mars girls."
hahaha but they didn't sing the whole song :P check out the lyrics
http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/outkast/roses.html it's a very funny song (:


Another version of it, i think it's better quality:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q47DF8EhgbQ&feature=endscreen

-Eka

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Christofer Drew

Perfect example of a really big modern-day druggie who's just really really awesome. I really like the way he thinks and the way he sees things. True artist right here.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nQ_NvomQL_4&feature=relmfu
no need to watch it all :) or at all. I just wanted to share his awesomeness :') even if he's obsessed with  dubstep :p but there's just something about him that's cool :) he's such a hippie!

Some interesting facts about him:
-He is a vegan
-He doesn't  believe in wearing shoes. He doesn't wear them unless it's absolutely necessary, usually just goes around barefoot
-He likes to wear the same outfit for a long period of time and when he finally changes, he sometimes just ditches the clothes somewhere or gives it to someone
-He's been smoking cigarettes since he was 14, weed since he was 16
-He does meth, acid & LSD occasionally
-He's absolutely aware of how bad the drugs are for him but he lives by the thought that every second you're already dying so might as well do what makes you happy
-He used to cut himself, now drugs replaced the self-harm
-He dropped out of high school to pursue music, he regrets it a lot
-His family kicked him out of the house for dropping out and he lived on his own in his car for a long time. He says he enjoyed that time of his life a lot because it was just so different
-He believes that his body is a canvas and doesn't believe in getting random tattoos. He thinks about his tattoos in such detail before getting them even if he has many :p
-He does not resent his parents in any way, he even got their initials tattooed on his hands with anchors.
-He seriously tries to love everyone and everything
-He loves when fans can just have normal conversations with him about life :)
-He hates pictures
-He likes wearing really weird hats
-He's very religious, but he doesn't believe in organized religion, he just believes in a God. Recently, he likes Buddhist religion a lot
-He's completely open to ANY type of beliefs
-He once got kicked out of church for bringing homeless people in and teaching them about faith
-He wrote the song Time Travel (by NeverShoutNever otherwise known as him+his live band) on a drug trip
-He has two light facial tattoos, a tear drop that he says represents compassion and a moon :)
Hehe he's very special....
This is him now
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8aLFvKzXTqg ;P yeah, he's a bit cracked, but I think he's happy so that's good :) but his music did get a lot darker recently.... hmmm I really enjoy his music though!

Okay, I had fun talking about him :) byebye
-Eka

P.S: This is the dude Mitch's sister Katie said she would marry in a second! Hehe

WHAT DID I JUST WATCH HAHAHAHA

Um, I met this man a week ago. That is all.

-Eka

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

This Is Why I Love Them

All Time Low. They have this sense of unity that other bands don't necessarily have.They are brothers, they stick up for each other and stand up for what is right. I love them so much.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4zF9CTY0Fto&list=FLB3OxSoSwhm0tqpYZmbW4Cg&index=1&feature=plpp_video

:)

-Eka

PS: Also, watch this. I cried laughing. Stretches this dude learnt at church camp.
http://glamydia.tumblr.com/post/7096049849/a-stretch-we-learned-at-church-camp
And this is the customized shoes site.
www.musicforthesole.tumblr.com
Boy proposes to his girlfriend on stage at an ATL concert :)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kr-imE4AGhA&feature=related
This show is the reason ATL are banned from Six Flags Texas :p Basically, the kids got out of hand and security starting macing (pepper spraying) KIDS. Alex called them out on that and Martin from Boys Like Girls agreed by stating a big fuck you to them... :) The calling out starts at about 2:50 & at 1:10 Jack picks up a girl and runs her to safety :') it's the cutest thing actually... I'm jealous of her hahaha.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4LwOeXsyyto&feature=related
Alex calling out a security guard for being too harsh ;p it's what my husband does best. He just speaks what's on his mind. Obviously gets him in a lot of shit sometimes, but it gets me in shit too sooo... Haha love him :)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QA3yiKlrLhA&feature=related

Monday, May 7, 2012

I love trees...

I have been procrastinating all night...i have a history test tomorrow and i havnt started studying...Arière calls me at 10:25 about history and we are off the phone at 10:30...I was kinda just sitting on my floor trying to will myself into studying but it didnt really work out...instead after looking out my window and discovering no moon i found myself walking down the stairs  and pausing at the bottom of them. I go to the basement but saras on the phone so i go back into the living room and again i just stand at the top of the stairs in my living room. then spice comes to say hello to me. i pick her up and go next to the window. I then go on my knees and i open the little window and breath in the surprisingly not too cold air. the air was just cool, almost warm. Spice hops up next to the window and we both just stare outside. I can hear my dad snoring and next thing you know i just stand up and quietly go down the stairs and quietly open both doors. and i find myself outside.
 I take two abrupt steps foward and then stop. I look around. and see light in a rectangular shape on the grass in front of me. i then realize that its from my room. I walk towards the tree in front and i easily climb up onto the first branch without touching the ropes. I sit there for a little bit, then i move onto the other branch and i lean backwards. Im thinking about how i really feel like biking at the moment. but it would make to much noise to open the garage door so i make myself a mental note to leave my bike in the backyard as soon as the nice weather is permanent for a little while. I continue lying on the branch and reposition myself to get more comfortable. (fyi, im bare foot in loose shorts and my blue sweater) I look at my watch to find that 15min have passed since i got off the phone with arièle. I begin thinking about how i hope no one from my house notices i left, even if i am only in the front yard. i also begin to think about how i wish i could be doing this with mitch not necessarily being in the tree but i like the idea of being out doing nothing  in particular at night. then as a continue lying there i start asking myself questions about life that can never be answered. after a little while of this which just resulted in me singing softly to myself i decide i should go back inside. I sit up but find myself reaching for the branch higher up. I begin climbing higher up the tree ignoring the pain in my feet. I find myself near the top of the tree overlooking the roof of my house and discovering the moon right over the roof off st-thomas! i start smiling like a dork cause i found the moon. and i didnt even realize i was looking for it. Its partly hidden by the clouds and its all yellow like...very pretty. i stand/lean there for a while looking around cause im so high and everything looks so different from here especially at night. id never climbed the tree at night. i find myself singing softly to myself again though i cant recall any of the songs i was singing looking back now. I feels very good being up high in the tree and after a little while i find myself climbing down. I'm almost at the first branch when i look over to the school and discover that i cant see the moon anymore so i go up one branch and there it is again. i sit there for another little while thinking about nothing in particular. I look at my watch again and its now 11pm. I continue sitting there, high enough to see the moon and the top of my roof for a little bit. then I step down and grab hold of a branch with my hands. I push away from the tree and i just hang from the branch with my feet dangling down above the ground. i stay like that for a few seconds and then i just let go. I land easily with no pain.
 I walk towards the house and stop half way there. I do a hand stand on the grass and then a cartweel. then i continue walking toward the door and right before i reach the asphalt i stop and do a back walkover. all of this effortlessly. I finally walk towards the door and open it quietly and close it. I lock it. I open and close the other door quielty and then make my way upstairs back to my room. I grab my computer and discover that it is 11:11 so i make a wish until it changes to 11:12. then i find myself here cause i wanted somewhere to write this random 42minutes of my evening. it was very odd and relaxing and interesting. i hope i didnt bore you too much since nothing exciting happens in this text. good night. maybe I'll try to study for history now.
-Sekoya

The Thought Box

Hey :) check this out! I find that it's a very nice idea :)
the though box
okay, goodnight, sleep tight and may your mind be free of troubles...

-Eka

Monday, April 30, 2012

The Solution~

No One Does It Better -You Me At Six
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=86skxpUOqEE

So I have to say something. I am talking to both of you. Stop whatever kind of scheming you guys have been up to lately to try to 'help me'. Please & thank you. What you've been doing, although it's thoughtful, hasn't been helpful to me in any way. It has done nothing but make me feel excluded & out of it. I feel as if in your attempts to help me in some way, you have only managed to push me away. I have said this many times & I will say it again, so listen close. The most you guys could ever do for me is love, hug, support & be there for me. Please stop talking for hours on the phone about how you oh so dearly want to help me, okay? I would like to be part of the conversations if you do. Excluding me is about the worst thing you could ever do at this point to be honest.

"If I just save you, you could save me too." That's the only solution okay? Until then, I'll keep it together somehow, promise.  :)

-Eka

-automatically regrets making this post-

Sunday, March 18, 2012

Just waiting for proof that there are sunsets & silhouette dreams..

Well, I haven't technically written anything on here for while. So I thought this was a convenient time to do so :p

I am currently watching Julia's I love you Erika video to me on my iPod while typing this:) And just finished bawling my eyes out to True Colors that never fails to make me cry... Hehe! Just remember that those are good tears! Those are the tears that keep me sane. So, thank you so much.

I guess I didn't just stumble upon Julia's video... I went to find it, because I wasn't in my best states. I guess that I'm not making much progress, I'm just losing track of what is making me sad... Which is probably worse than before. But I know I'll be fine.. even though I'm not always right. I am NOT depressed. I'm just a teenage dirtbag... But all song jokes aside, I seriously don't know what's going on and that's probably why it's scary. I just don't know... Routine. Routine kills me. My heart's just not as into every day life anymore.. I think I'm subconsciously waiting for something extraordinary to happen, but it doesn't, so this breaks me... I'd like to have a chance at something that seems unlikely, something that I once thought was impossible. It would be just amazing.

It seems as though my ability to handle things has dropped sufficiently. I just simply cry & let things faze me a lot more than I did before. I just keep hoping for a bigger purpose, but it's not there. People talk to me nowadays and I can't always concentrate. It's like they fade out and I'm alone in the room. I don't know what to make of it... All I know is that Alex describes these exact things in his blogs and I can't help, but be so intrigued by this. I can't draw away from the fact that were so similar in that way... My love for him is something so big, it's scary. Love is a scary thing though. It's actually sickening how much you can love a person.

I'm scared that one day you'll realize that I'm not as amazing as you once thought I was. This quote really gets to me... I don't know. People lately have been telling me how amazing I am and I just sit here thinking that they think way too highly of me. Like, I can't live up to their expectation of who I am, like I could disappoint someone I really care about. I just want to scream that I'm not a saint, that I have faults too.

Feel free to contradict anything in this text! I'm just being brutally honest about how I feel right now. I can't quite get all the words out at this moment. But I'm working on it!

Also, just to let you know, I have started writing my book. The outline is basically the outlook on a misfit of a girl who falls for a stoner. Sounds familiar? Nope, because the stoner eventually falls for her too ;) As cheesy as this sounds... I'm actually proud of the little prologue I have so far.... Bear with me! I'll hopefully be posting it on my special writing page soon, so keep a look out for that!

Song on repeat right now:
You Be the Anchor That Keeps My Feet On The Ground, I'll Be The Wings That Keep Your Heart In The Clouds by Mayday Parade (& yes, that is the title.)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d8xDOP-MAJA
One of the most beautiful songs ever...

I love you :) I'm alright, don't worry about me please! Goodnight <3

-Eka

Sunday, March 11, 2012

my march break

friday: sleepover with blanche, she started by playing with her sister wii and i made KD and served them and i was just like umm ok, im left out, so went upstairs and did my hair and makeup. then she came and shortly after we left her place. we walked a long way, to get to a dep then went to a skatting rink and then finally to her gabs place. gab had already 2 friends over, we all chilled, did each others hair then listened tot his: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IUDTlvagjJA u must listen! omg:P then we went outwside and me and blanche lisfted gabs friend, cuz she does cheerleading so we had her feet at our heads, it was epic, and took 4 tries to get ité;D then saw the church so went to the window and stood there like cereepy people and then the kdis inside r saying fuck u balbla . then the moniteur comes and finalyl invites in, we play a ball game then other leave, we do the lift then leave. me and blanche bused back to her place, then didnt do much, she feel asleep:/ next morning she wakes me up at 8:30-.- we get up, and didnt do much cuz she cudlnt walk.
saturday i got home and dont do much
sunday i go to movies with sean
monday i go skiing with damily at mont gabriel, dad fell and i almost did cuz i ddint c him then he was in my way:P i freaked and wish i knew about concosions:/ then we had lunch and finally made him go c nurse after
tuesday skiing with mom and sean at chateaucler, And i fell going off jump, first time i did it and its more steep the hill after jump then im used to and second time fell, broke poll handel and after thumb was hurting, cudnt use it-.- - went to the DDO interview thing, we went in pool and got tested. only reasdon i didnt make it is cuz i wont have my certificate of bronze-cross by the ttime it starts:/
wednesday, got up early to go to Super Aqua Club interview,we were 5 in the room, interview was 10 min, and im still waitting for asnwer:S then went home, then went to ekas and sleept over there:D we made cookie bowl:D went shopping, i had fuuun but the whole day i was in pain cuz i didnt sleep well.-.- so feel asleep early
thrusday dad comes at 10 ish while ekas still in bed:P then i get home after passing by martas work and then julia finally comes voer but not for long:( then had lifeguard cpr test
friday mike was suppiosed to come voer but obvs didnt, he was too tired;) so i did nothign
saturday went tot the movies with nathan, babysat from 10 to 2:P made lots of money, too much:S
ssunday slept in till 2, latest of the break:P and went to pharmacie and didnt do anything, freakoed out about science and read and now im here:)

-Nessa

Thursday, March 8, 2012

KONY 2012 Watch this please!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=Y4MnpzG5Sqc
I know it's 30 minutes long, but it's worth it! It gives me hope for the world :)

-Eka

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Boomboomboom

JULIAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. I still wanna audition monday if you're up for it :)
We could practice a bit before or a bit after passion play?

-Eka

Monday, February 6, 2012

sorry julia

fuck my o she wont let me go to the party-.- she better at elast let me get my ears pierced! ill ahve to rethink next time ti wanna go to a party...
sorry julia i cant come, she told me to tell u to stop thinking about it she doesnt want me there

-Elena
ps i probs wont b reading many posts this week, cuz so much to study and shit to do, but i promise this weekend ill catch up:)

I AM DYING

HAHAHAHAHA THIS KID IS MY IDOL HAHAHAHAHA.

-Eka

Sunday, February 5, 2012

ATL contest entries

They haven't announced an official date to when entering closes or to when they pick the winners, but the tour starts this Thursday, so I suggest you enter before that :)

-Eka

love is enough

I am exploring music that i don't know and I really like this song by days difference
When it feels like life is crashing down
You're lost and waiting to be found
Love is enough, love is enough
When you're in the darkest cloud around
Watchin' raindrops falling to the ground
Love is enough, love is enough

I believe you have to give more than you take
I believe with all my heart anything's possible

Love is enough, love is enough
And I still forget it, yeah I still forget it sometimes

When you take a look inside yourself
You wish that you were someone else
Love is enough, love is enough

You're all alone, there's nothing left
You're losing hope with every breath
Love is enough, love is enough


Just believe that nothin's gonna stand in your way
Just believe with all your heart anything's possible

Love is enough, love is enough
And I still forget it, yeah I still forget it sometimes
I believe you have to give more than you take
I believe with all my heart anything's possible
Love is enough, love is enough
Love is enough, love is enough

-Sekoya


Saturday, February 4, 2012

Pessimism, Optimism, Realism, Idealism, Ignorance, Knowledge

Pessimists see the glass half empty. Optimists see the glass half full. Realists see things in literal truth and pragmatism, or more grounded on reality. Idealist practice envisioning things in an ideal form, or in simpler term aiming for perfection.
I researched this subject so in the following text I'll be stealing peoples info to form my own opinion and pretty much talk about these personality types.

I've noticed while researching that there are an equal amount of pessimists, optimist, realist and idealist. Realism and pessimism are often put together as are optimism and idealism. I am an optimist and an idealist. I think its a pretty good mix cause the flaw of idealism is that reality always comes like a slap in the face, but optimism kinda counters that slap in the face cause i'll always look on the bright side of things so i wont be hurt by reality.

The flaw of realism is that you'll never aim for your full potential. The flaw of pessimism is that you'll be freaking depressed. The flaw of idealism is that your dreams will often be crushed.

I was having trouble finding the flaw for optimism. cause even though they will aim too high they are never brought down. they are very happy cause a failure is never there fault in there minds. they'll ALWAYS look on the positive side.
a young man decides to become a stand-up comic. His friends think he's nuts, but he's an optimist. Because he thinks he has a chance, he keeps trying. And because he keeps trying, his chances keep increasing. True, he runs into obstacles, but he's an optimist, so hurdles are seen not as objects of fear or frustration, but as puzzles in need of a solution. Because of his positive attitude, he doesn't give up. And do you know what happens to people who don't give up? They reach their goal! Now repeat in your mind the same scenario, but with a pessimist. What do you think the pessimist's chances of success are?
so these people will be very happy. However they will often be self delusional. cause they'll think everything is okay or everything will work out but it won't. So this kinda leads back to the debate of ignorance. is it good or bad?
''This self-delusion has been found to be healthy, resulting in more success, better health and longer lie than those who are actually realistic!'' http://www.futurevisions.org/Law_pessm_opt.htm

its weird i still dont really know what i thinl about ignorance (bliss) vs knowledge (power)... I'll get back to that debate later

balance is whats important in this situation but I'm still not sure whats better...
well i think being pessimistic is bad so thats out of the picture. Being a realist can be smart and you wont get as hurt, but you'll never show your full potential. being an idealist makes you an easy target so you'll get hurt, but you'll be aiming for excellence so it could end well. being an optimist is healthy, but makes you self-delusional. so i guess its about finding a balance between realism, idealism and optimism. I kow its all about BALANCE but I still wanna form more of an opinion on this.

I'm still not done with this text but i am for now. I'll get back to this later. Let me know what you guys think
-Sekoya




Hands by Jewel

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lk0bKfC8XSE

this is the song sara will be singing at the passion play...the last song. I really like it. I find its a ''julia'' song and it would actually be appropriate for that thing at school erika. so maybe you would like to consider this song.
anyways I really like these hopeful kind of songs

If I could tell the world just one thing
It would be that we're all OK
And not to worry 'cause worry is wasteful
And useless in times like these
...
My hands are small, I know
But they're not yours, they are my own
But they're not yours, they are my own
And I am never broken
...
And heartache came to visit me
But I knew it wasn't ever after
We'll fight, not out of spite
For someone must stand up for what's right
'Cause where there's a man who has no voice
There ours shall go singing

And I've randomly been obssessing over the I can go the distace song from Hercules. another hopeful song
I'll be there some day
I can go the distance
I will find my way
If I can be strong
I know every mile
Will be worth my while
I will go most anywhere
To feel like I belong

-Sekoya