Jeremy situation

alright so i tryed to hang out with him on thursday but he was busy, then on friday i tryed again but it was too late when i woke up, so then i called him, first time he didnt answer-.- thenhe called me back, and it started off small talk, he was out shopping with sister and mom and it was loud where he was but i went and said what i had to... i said iv been thinking and things arent working out between us, then i wasnt sure if he was listening to i didnt say anything else, adn then he said k continue... i dont remember muh what i said anymore... but i had said you havent changed since i met you, and well his reaction toe verything was very calm, oh yeah, at one point i said that i find we skipped the whole being freinds part and thats what caused this, then he said do you want to take it from there... he said he was impressed that i called him. i had saked him if he ever kissed anyone else whilte we were goign out he said lie cheated? i said like if it was trutg or dare i donno, he siad no

then i get home and i see a text from him, asking how long i felt this way, i said this week i realized and he said he thought it was longer, then asks me what made me realize, i sadi talking with friends, he asks who, and i asnwered eka julia and a lil gaby, then hes like erika? really? he asks what u guys said adn then ask: you say i havent chaned since we met%? i said ur just as closed upvague secretive non talking like b4, he says heh thats funy:P im like im glad i amuse u? he siad im laughing at the irony between waht u knowm reality and what u say.. (...) he sayd: thing is vi told u lots,many secrest iv had but i dont say theres secrets which is whyi assume u wudnt know, but u seem to assume what i tell u iv told the world. i can tellu alot f stuff iv told u maybe 1 or 2 people have know bfor, i say yeah seems like what u tell me u can tell anyoneand like u must think i havent toldu anything but if u cared ud ask more about me which u dont do often he says closed up is who i am, well who iv become,vague is how i speak if u want to know something ask it, tihng is many things i cant say over text/ u say i dont care about u??? (...) hes says its treu when i met u i thought u wud b a person in this world who i cud really b me and tell everything to and i honestly think u r... then he calls me and nothing happened, and then he had to go so convo was pointless... then at night he was a lil drunk, then randomly asks do u think someone who smokes fromtiem to time is a druggie?n and im like depends who often that is, how often do u smoke? he says who said ive smoked? i say noone but i bet u u have, he asks y, and so im guessing idf i were tot ell u i had never smoked u wudnt believe me? then hes stil pushing ont he question being like soemone who dse 3-4 times a month? then asks once a motnh? the says once amonthn as in theres a big party and rthey get high to go to it then asks me if i ahd the chance to wud i try it,... then hes lke legs play 20 questions, so he starts with do u like squirles? -.- it ended there that game, adn then i mention that he has a way with words adn then later syas most ways i maniupulatwords with people is to either help them out or find a solution to their problem on their own or help someoen out (.._ he says i dnt recall trying to manipulte u pthert then once for the good of someone else and i donno if it worked but sure seemed like it didXD then doesnt tell me when0-.- (..) says he forgot ALOT of what he wanted to say when eh called(..) then says (hes a secret not many people find out) ;) cuase people who know me very wellknow that i wouldput the good to someone else beor me and as i have don MANY timesb4 i gotin deep shit for it, having to play with words to get me out of it or get me less worse penalties:/, adds on later : bad stuff, iv almost gotten expelles 3 times for it, have served 2 suspensions for it, got beaten up atleast 3 people atelas twice ..... hit in the back with metal bars..idk if u know but that fkin hurts althoughalot fo things i ahve done got me soem good too, so compensates:)(..) most people who start a real fight with me know not to come single-handed and most dont anymore:P(...) he sayd but anywho ide think u ahve apretty good understanding of whoi am now?hope that wasnt too clsoed up for u? adn then he went to see his lil sister at 3:30 am for somethnig.

y i wanted to break up: because he dsent let me meet his friends, he doesnt talk to me, we dont do anything, hes very secretive, very vague, doesnt seem like hes changed since i met him, doesnt make effort to talk, i cant have real talk with ihm in person....

right now i dont know what i want from him, but we'll try to be friends and see where that goes, if we get tot he point that i can have a actual convo with him, and really talk about stuff, then we'll c what will happen then, but now just me being here and i donno:) i dont wanna lose Jeremy, that thought scares me, donno y just does... but i deserve better then him... hes not crazy like me, hes like always tired, not too much fun, he takes forever to asnwer my texts,i want someone that i can talk to, make me laugh, gets me and he doesnt quite have any of that... and like who knows how he feels about me, he didnt sounds too sad over the phone about what i said...

right now im confused, like aslways-.- but immma start a new year, single, with an open mind!

btw i find it funny how most people r good at talking/ complaining but not listening... at least you guys are:)

( yesterday deanna (fam friend daughter) asked if i had a boyfriend, first thing that came out was yes, then oh no, then i was like its complicated:P wow im clearXD)

ps dad admited to sean that he always speaks loud, so yeah his talking is like screaming:/ just now he called my name like he was pissed but he camein my room jsut to show a funny vid on his phone:P

-nessa