stuff going threw my mind

So today i got math exam back. Ihad worked crazy hard on it, did all the stuff he said to and extra. My stomach was turning the whole class i was so nervous to infd out my result... I ended up gettin 63%, which for me is really good. Last moyenne 47%, so i went up a lot. You see me&my dad had made this deal, that he'll get me beats if i bring up my math moyenne to 65-70%. So when i got back my exam i was disapointed i didnt get 65% cuz of my dad, but still its no my moyenne. I was also a tiny bit happy i didnt fail, but bad feeling over came that even though its i think the only math test iv passed. So then i get home and tell dad thinking he'll b happy that its better but will want higher. Instead, after he finds out my note he gives me this look, and i say what? Its not the moyenne yet, just one note. Then he says yes but i want higher! He goes on about how i should be high 70%! And im like im trying really hard, he says your trying hard but i want really hard! Then goes on about howif i dont get better notes he'll take away my phone and everything that i love, he'll take away the beats and way more… and im like thats not part of the deal, he keps on adding higher notes and more consequences-.- basically he had just gotten mad at me and warned me about much graver consequences and howhe'll take out all distractions. After he went off yelling i went to get my chips and almost started bawling myeyes out but knew i couldnt cuz was leaving soon and i managed not to:)then left when i got back afterhewas like hugging me saying im happy you got a better note, and you passed (b4 he was like you didnt pass, oyu have to pass) then he was like give me a kiss when i neede 5$ for school, dinde-.- the whole night i was pissed and having julia ask me every now and then if i was ok? drove me nuts cuz i wanted to talk but cudnt then. And like yeah 63 is not a good note, but iw ill get more point cuz he gave us second chance and iv gotten a good 10%better, worked my ass off sooooooo much…. For that i get yelled at adn threated more. Now im in my room writting on word cuz internet off and its 12 and im pretending to be sleeping cuz not aloud up but gotta study adn need more light so waitting fro them ot be asleep… im curious how much sleep ill get tognight:PI m not as pissed at dad as i was in the moment but still allthe same..-.- like can he not see that im trying hard? And its like sometimes i slip and get tired but then i pull myself back! And the way hes goign to treat me id if it doesnt payoff then takeabout phone and ipod and beats and treat me like im fucking 8 years old-.- my da is so bipolar, like mom said when they were checking palce for bday that dad had many ideas and was into it! Then at home im like well no not that day cuz eka and hes like oh too bad for her! And omg the whoel thing about julia! Like it seems whenever i wanna hepl a friend out they dont want me to-.- i do too much according tothem. Its like no, thats how friend are, you helpe ach other out, as easy as that.!

Now i feel like writting about jeremy:P aight so whats the deal? Hes closet up, had no trust in me, might b druggie, parties hard, doesnt sleep, doesnt love my crazyness, is boring, doesnt seem to have interrest in my life. Why the fuck do i hang with him? He has a way with words-.- but i cant let that win! All he seems to carea bout is making out, he'lls ay he trust me but hasnt proven it, hes asked me what i want for xmas and im just like nothing he cant seem to be getting that-.- hesby far the vaguest person i know!-.- its like i cant break up till julia meets him so that better b soon:P prob frogday:) hes just alwasy twist around my words, makes me the bag guy… i want a guy i can b myself around, makeme laugh, want to dos tuff, him ahve idea,s onei can trust and respect each other…. Hes noone of that. Whne i walk to him most time im like i can brek up with oyu but latelty for first time im thinking more about it...and today for the first i told him i feel,, waht im erally thinking and ill fihgt against wha ti disagree with… feels good for once:P so weird feeling i have right now..i dont feel like sleeping..i wanna take shower study weel downstiars with light! Andthen iwould wanna do whonoes what but not sleeping… or sleep for a full day, 24 hours just i bed!<3 i want a guy that can b like me, my type...like nowim starting to rethink about the whole snowglobe thing for jeremy:/ lke what will he do with6 wud he care bout it? I need a guy that wud love it…:/ (omg imfreezing right now:s) ok i should go start studying ECR:/ ps wtach me not stay up will 1:/30:P

Pps seems like when i get mad he ends up givin gup or he wins and then sends hearts and saying he trust me-.- yeah thats gonna fix allthe shit?

Ppps sorry this text is so messed up:P ijust wrote whatever wa son my mind

-nessa