I really don't understand Arièle! I've come to understand that im never the core of whats making her upset she just acts out on me when shes mad at someone else and doesn't seem to notice tha she's being very cold towards me. Just today she was getting all worked up about the trainer guy from musculation because she felt that he was trying to make her feel stupid by pointing out what arièle was doing wrong. she got really upset about and wa being really rude to me in the process while I just trying to say something to comfort her. She's also very inconsiderate of me. Its ridiculous how many time I have waited for her before taking the bus and she asks me to wait for her and she'll just go head of me and forget about me.
She's always giving up on things! She wasn't doing squats propely and so the trainer guy was trying to help her and now because she can't do squats she doesn't like musculion and wants to miss next class just because of one thing! she gives up! She didn't even want to participate when we where doing this other exercise. She's done this with volleyball too! almost every practice she'll end it saying im not doing it next year. Ans then she'll tell me that she doesn't like volleyball anymore. and this is after every practice that doesn't go well for her. She also decieded not to go on the exchange to new- zealand because she didn't want to have to work for all the fundraising. It was my dad who mentioned that ariele doesn't commit and he's the one who pulled out those examples a ittl whie ago. She never considers how i feel about her attidude and she almost never does anything for me!
today my computer was losing its batery so i told arièle to get off my computer when i noticed and she said wait a sec so i did but then she stared checking her mesages and i was like you can go on facebook on yyour computer. I was annoyed cuse she knew mycomputer was dying and i said that i wanted it to last for history and she still didn't give back to me while she was on facebook! My dad told me that whenever she's in one of those moods I should just let her go because she argues with eerything you say even if it isn't something you were planning on arguing about. it happened in the car and i was gonna reply to wat she said but my dad put his hand on my arm to have me not argue back aand it was good h did that cause arièle got to have the lat word of the nonexisting argument.
whenever i call her about school or even when i call her cause i wanna talk cause something came up she'll always say sorry julia i can't talk i have to study. I was once almost crying when i called her and she said that she'll call me back! when i try telling her this she denies it so i don't know what to do
but on the other hand. I'm arièle best and only friend and she has a lot going on so as zoe and my dad say she lets it out on me cause she knows she can. and when arièles not worrying about school or her ''friends'' she's great and we have a great relationship but i guess my dads right when he says you always hurt the ones you love.
I agree with Zoe and your dad, she picks on you because she knows she can... She knows that you won't stop being her friend and she knows that you can't hold a real grudge on her for that long. She's basically taking advantage of how kind-hearted you are... And she's doing it subconciously. She knows that you won't actually do anything if she uses your computer for facebook when it's dying. She knows you, that's the problem. She's using that to her advantage. I think it has something major to do with power and control, because she feels as if she has not control over anything: her "friends", Ferrett(if I may), her performance in different sports/activities, etc.. But she has a certain control with you. I know that might sound weird, but it seems pretty valid to me. Also, i think, pretty much all her life, Ariele's been good at "everything". Like as if she was used to the "perfection" and suddenly, people are telling her that it's not right or she starts messing up.. It's like she can't take the "rejection". She can't handle not being good at something so she just quits. She's a perfectionist. All of this is linked to how she feels as if she has no control anymore, so that insecurity is probably effecting her "performance" in every day life, too. I know it might be hard, but you need to have a nice long talk with her at your house or something! Preferably, when she's in a good mood. If she denies, convince her! Give examples and if she denies again, don't be all like "okay.", say "No, you do do(haha)that. Often actually. Think about it." Give her more examples. If she denies once more, I do not want you to back down, okay? Tell her, "If you aren't doing these things? Why do I feel like this? Why do I feel like I do so much for you and you don't for me? Why do I feel like I'm just the safety net, if your "friends" are annoying you and you come to me?" I think that would be a pretty emotional moment so I think it might spark something in her if you cried.. Haha, I'm actually serious though. It's like Ariele has a barrier holding the real her back and she would snap out of it when she sees you crying. Well that's what I would be hoping for anyways.
ReplyDeleteI hope this really loooooong paragraph sort of helps :)
-Eka
Thank you Erika that really makes sense to me!! That whole control thing would fit in well...yea ill have to do that...yea ill definitely be able to feel enough when talking to her bout that to start crying
ReplyDeleteyou were alot of help!
-Sekoya
Anytime:) I like helping with these things.
ReplyDelete-Eka